


Eye of the Storm

by GeorginaKane



Series: Storm Series [2]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: F/M, Homophobic Language, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Substance Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-10-21
Packaged: 2018-04-14 03:09:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 30,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4547949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeorginaKane/pseuds/GeorginaKane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Living in New York City, Mickey and Ian have never been happier. Mickey is a bartender and Ian is pre-med at Columbia. But will it last? Or will a new set of circumstances ruin their happy life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've decided to turn "Into the Storm" into a series! Look for the first chapter soon. I'm writing it simultaneously with "Fight of your life" so it may take a little longer to post chapters. As always, thanks for reading!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you who asked for this story. I hope you enjoy it!

Chapter 1

 

“Fuck Ian!” Mickey exclaims as Ian pushes in to him, snapping his hips rapidly.

Ian brings his lips to Mickey’s, sucking at his bottom lip while he holds Mickey’s hips down. He prolongs his movements, eliciting soft groans from his lovers mouth as Mickey claws at Ian’s back, leaving long red tracks.

Mickey closes his eyes, savoring everything that his boyfriend is doing to him. It’s always so good with Ian. They’ve been through so much and they know each other so well. Ian knows exactly what to do to take Mickey over the edge. Mickey knows how to make his body react, ensuring that Ian feels the effect he has on the raven haired boy. It’s almost perfect.

Suddenly he feels a hand over his mouth and another pinning his arm to the bed. He opens his eyes and tries to scream when he sees his father’s friend on top of him. The same deep eyes, the same smell of whiskey. It’s just like it was yesterday. He attempts to break free but fails as the man maintains his hold and continues to push into him.

“Oh God, you feel even better than before,” the man tells him. He feels sick to his stomach, the pain getting worse with each thrust.

He closes his eyes again, wishing for it to be over, only to sense a hand on his throat, squeezing tightly. He opens his eyes and this time his father is towering over him. One hand at his throat, the other rearing back to punch him. He looks around and realizes he’s at his childhood home. Before he can blink, a fist connects with his jaw. He instantly tastes blood, his vision blurred, his head pounding.

“You fucking faggot! You’re no son of mine you piece of shit!” Terry bellows between each blow. Mickey can only lay there and take the abuse.

“You think you can kill me?!” his father yells.

He can feel himself slipping away, the strain and torment consuming him. Distantly he hears Ian call out to him but he doesn’t have the energy to answer.

“Mickey!” Ian screams again.

He shakes Mickey’s body, attempting to wake him from his nightmare. They were fast asleep when he heard Mickey shouting and stirring. It’s been happening more and more frequently and it’s really starting to worry Ian.

He gives Mickey’s body one final shove before he sees his boyfriend open his eyes. Mickey shoots up and frantically searches the room, eyes veering in every direction. His breathing is ragged and rushed. Ian puts a soothing hand on his back and assures him that he’s fine.

“You’re okay Mickey, everything’s okay,” Ian whispers, continuing to massage at Mickey’s back.

Mickey’s breathing returns to normal as he looks at his boyfriend, taking in the worried expression painted on his face. He wants to say something but instead of words, he feels bile in his throat. He rushes out of bed and runs to the bathroom, emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet.

Ian can only sigh. He gets up and grabs a glass from the kitchen, filling it with water and walking it over to the bathroom. He waits for Mickey to finish puking before handing him the glass. It’s almost a routine for them now.

When it first started happening, Ian tried to help but Mickey just shoved him away, stating over and over that he was fine and didn’t need to be coddled. Ian rolled his eyes at that but gave into Mickey’s wishes. Now he just stands there in case Mickey needs something.

“You good?” Ian asks taking back the now empty glass.

Mickey doesn’t say anything but nods. He quickly gargles some mouthwash, spits it out and returns to the bedroom. Ian wishes that Mickey would just talk to him, tell him what it is that he’s dreaming about, but every time he tries, Mickey shuts him down.

“Are you ever gonna talk to me about this?” Ian whispers once they’re in bed again.

“Nothing to talk about,” Mickey bites back.

“Really? So it’s totally normal for my boyfriend to have horrible nightmares where he screams and thrashes around, then wakes up and hurls his dinner?” Ian asks incredulously.

“You’re so fucking dramatic! Why are you making this such a big deal?!” Mickey yells.

“Mick-”

“No Ian! Leave me the fuck alone!” Mickey screams, grabbing his pillow and a blanket and heading into the living room. He looks at the clock and rolls his eyes. Great, another sleepless night and another shitty day at work to look forward to. Fuck his life.

He plops down on the couch, wraps himself tightly in the blanket and closes his eyes. He knows he’s being stupid about this. He knows Ian is only trying to help him but he isn’t ready to talk about it. Any of it.

He knows Ian already has a lot to deal with and he doesn’t want to add to it. Ian’s workload at school is ridiculous. He’s taking five classes and interning at the hospital. He doesn’t need more to deal with, especially from his emotionally fucked up boyfriend.

He feels like he’s always been a burden to Ian, always making him deal with his shitty problems and his shitty family. It’s not the right thing to do, but for now, he wants to hold it in. He needs to hold it in.

***

 

By the time Mickey wakes up, Ian is already gone. His first class is at 8am. Even though they live close to campus, Ian likes to get there early, get his coffee and so on. Mickey checks the clock and sighs at the time.

10am. Thankfully he doesn’t start his shift at the bar until 3pm so he figures he can make up for the lost time and sleep a little longer. But the more he thinks about sleep, the more he thinks about the nightmares. Maybe he’ll stay awake after all.

After he makes breakfast, he takes a shower and gets dressed. He looks at the clock again. 11:30am.

Fuck!

He turns the tv on, switching channel after channel, struggling to find something to take his mind off things. His eyes begin to droop, their heaviness overpowering him. He doesn’t even realize he’s fallen asleep until he’s jolted awake by his phone ringing.

He scrambles to find it and answers the call.

“Mickey?” he hears.

“Hey Mandy, what’s up?” he says tiredly.

“Were you sleeping? Mickey it’s like 2pm there. You okay?” She asks, her voice dripping with concern.

Jesus, why was everyone so fucking worried about him?

“I’m fine, what do you want?” he asks.

“I was just making sure that you were coming for Christmas. You are still coming, right Mick?”

Mickey had no desire to ever set foot inside Chicago ever again, but Ian insisted that they go back to visit over Christmas vacation. Ian’s family insisted actually and he reluctantly agreed. Of course he would agree to anything when Ian was pounding into him. Totally unfair and sneaky if you ask him.

“Yes skank, I’m still coming. We’re spending the week at Ian’s parent’s house though. I mean you  and Iggy can come over or whatever…” he trails off.

“Sure, but um Mickey? Colin and Joey want to see you,” she says cautiously.

“What the fuck for?” Mickey shouts.

He hasn’t spoken to them since Terry died. They called him a fag and told him they didn’t want anything to do with him. As far as Mickey’s concerned, they’re no longer brothers.

“I don’t know, they just asked if you were coming to visit and then said they wanted to see you. Maybe they want to make amends or some shit.”

Mickey wasn’t buying that for one second. Milkoviches don’t make amends and they don’t apologize. The only thing he could think of was a beat down and he wasn’t flying all the way back home to get his ass kicked by his own brothers.

“Not happening! You tell those pieces of shit that I got nothing to say to them!” he yells and quickly hangs up the phone.

He throws it on the couch next to the remote. He looks at the clock again and groans when he reads the time. 2:15pm.

“Fuck!” he screams.

He needs to be at work in less than an hour. He hurries out the door, locking the apartment, but completely forgets about his phone.

He makes it to work with three minutes to spare.

“Cutting it kinda close there, huh Sinatra?” Derek smirks with a smug look on his face.

“What the fuck did I say about you calling me that?!” Mickey glares, dropping his coat behind the bar.

Derek only smiles. “Blame it on the eyes my friend.”

He’s thankful that Derek walks away. With his lack of sleep and general grumpiness, who knows what he’s capable of in terms of violence. He doesn’t care that Derek is over six feet tall with biceps bigger than Mickey’s legs, Milkoviches don’t back down from anyone.

“Wow, you look tired,” he hears someone say from across the bar. She makes her way closer to Mickey, swaying her hips seductively even though Mickey has made it abundantly clear to her that he prefers dick over tits.

“Thanks Jenna, why don’t you just say I look like shit?” he says sarcastically.

“Because that would be mean and I can’t be mean to my Mickey, can I?” she says, placing her hand on Mickey’s arm.

Instinctively he brushes her hand off and turns around to start stacking glasses.

“You know I have something that can help you with that, give you lots of energy!”

Suddenly Mickey’s curiosity is peaked, so he turns around and faces her. She’s not ugly, but Mickey wouldn’t say she’s pretty either. She’s just kinda plain with dirty blond hair and big blue eyes. Her nose is unfortunately large, taking up most of the real estate on her face.

He looks around before he speaks.

“What do you mean?” he demands in a hushed tone.

He watches her pull out a small pill bottle from her bag. She takes two tiny green pills out and hands them to Mickey. He stares at them, not knowing what the hell they are.

“It’s like Ritalin on steroids,” she explains, “Trust me if you need to stay awake, that will do it! I took them all last semester whenever I needed to study. They’re a little trippy, but nothing you can’t handle.”

She winks at him. Eww.

He pockets the pills and says, “Yeah, thanks. Maybe I’ll take ‘em later.”

He returns to his duties while she shrugs and walks away. Mickey thinks about the pills a few minutes later. He doesn’t want to start popping pills but he also doesn’t want to fall asleep either. Lately his dreams have been the same but some nights are worse than others.

They usually start out with Ian on top of him, fucking him hard, how he likes it. He always feels so calm and safe at the beginning. But then Ian turns into his father who subsequently starts to beat him and yell at him about what a horrible son he is. He can generally tolerate that but on really bad nights, Ian turns into Danny, his father’s friend who raped him when he was 13 at the behest of his father.

Those are the nights where he usually throws up once he’s awake. It’s like, even though he’s not dreaming anymore, he can still feel Danny inside of him and that always makes him nauseous. He knows a lot of his anxiety has to do with the fact that he and Ian are leaving for Chicago in a few weeks.

He’s been avoiding Chicago like the plague but he can’t push it aside anymore. He’s being forced to deal with something that he doesn’t want to deal with. And now his brothers want to ‘talk’ to him? That’s just adding to the sick nervousness that’s been taking over lately.

Fuck it, he thinks, as he takes the pills from his pocket and swallows them dry. The last thing he needs right now is to fall asleep. If he stays awake and alert, he can focus on his job and not his fucked up dreams.

Less than half an hour after taking the mystery pills, Mickey feels himself working faster, talking more and is generally in a better mood. He doesn’t feel slow and tired. He feels upbeat and almost a little happy.

By the time his shift is over, he’s on cloud nine. He has ridiculous amounts of energy and he knows exactly what he’s going to do when he gets home. He opens the door to his apartment and immediately searches for his boyfriend.

“Ian?” he says, looking around for him.

He finally finds him in bed, fast asleep. Fuck he was beautiful. Mickey stares at him for a few minutes before taking his jeans off and hopping into the bed. He shuffles closer to Ian and then climbs on top of him. He’s way to wound up and horny to sleep right now. He kisses Ian’s neck, sucking a red mark on to his skin. Ian stirs and instinctively reaches for Mickey even though his eyes are still closed.

He sees the red head smile and crashes their lips together. Ian’s eyes open as he reaches for Mickeys head to deepen the kiss.

Mickey reaches in between them and pushes Ian’s boxers down, grabbing his hardening cock in the process. Ian arches his back at the contact and moans softly. They continue to deepen the kiss, stopping briefly for Mickey to take his shirt and boxers off. Ian takes that as his opportunity to grab Mickey and flip him onto his back.

Now Ian is the one marking Mickey’s neck while his hands fondle every inch of him.

“Ian!” Mickey moans, taking Ian’s ass in his hands and pushing him closer.

“Fuck me. Please, fuck me now,” he cries out as Ian grinds down on him.

Ian reaches into the night stand for the lube and pours some on his fingers but Mickey is too impatient right now.

“Don’t need prep, just do it, please Ian!” Mickey mewls.

“I don’t want it to hurt Mickey,” Ian explains, trying to push a finger into his boyfriend but he just swats the hand away.

“I can take it, just get in me!” he growls.

It’s been a while since he’s seen Mickey this needy but he wants to make him happy so he removes his finger and replaces it with the head of his dick.

“Ready?” Ian asks but Mickey just rolls his eyes and pushes Ian into him with his legs.

Mickey grimaces in pain but assures Ian that he’s fine. Ian builds up a steady rhythm but Mickey needs more.

“Harder! Fuck me harder!” Mickey exclaims.

Ian responds by snapping his hips even faster and driving himself deeper into Mickey. The older boy arches his back and shuts his eyes, allowing the pleasure to over-take him.

This is exactly what he was craving. He thought about it on the entire walk home. He thought about how badly he wanted Ian, about Ian fucking him until he couldn’t walk and not worrying about falling asleep.

“Pull my hair!” Mickey shouts. Ian obliges, knowing that’s one of Mickeys turn ons.

It feels so good he almost wants to scream. That is until he opens his eyes and sees Danny on top of him. What the fuck? He’s not dreaming, he knows he’s not!

“I knew you liked it when I pulled your hair, remember?” he hears the man say.

He shoves Danny hard, yelling at him, “Get the fuck off me!”

Ian almost falls off the bed but maintains his balance as he slowly stands up. He looks at Mickey with wide eyes. Mickey looks genuinely scared as he blinks rapidly and shakes his head. His chest heaves up and down from his labored breathing.

“Ian?” Mickey mutters, still breathing heavily.

He looks up at Ian in confusion, almost unsure of what just happened. He looks around the room, as if he’s looking for someone. Ian follows his eyes but finds nothing.

“Mickey?” Ian asks softly, making his way back on to the bed. He tries to grab Mickeys arm but he flinches out of the touch.

“Are you okay?” Ian whispers.

Is he okay? No, he thinks. He most certainly is not okay! What the fuck was in those pills that Jenna gave him? A little trippy??? He was going to kill her.

But now what does he tell Ian? He’s afraid that if he tells him the truth, Ian will just worry about him and he doesn’t want that.  

“I’m fine. Look I’m sorry okay? I thought I saw something and I-”

“You thought you saw Danny?” Ian interrupts.

Mickey looks at him incredulously. How the fuck did he know that?

“How did you…” Mickey starts but Ian stops him.

“You yell out his name in your sleep sometimes usually when you’re having a nightmare,” Ian explains.

Mickey looks down at his hands, somehow ashamed by this information.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to do that,” Mickey starts to say.

“It’s okay Mickey, it’s not your fault. Just talk to me, please,” Ian pleads.

Mickey figures it’s now or never.

“He’s the guy, you know, my dad’s friend. The one that…” Mickey doesn’t finish but Ian nods in understanding.

“That’s what the nightmares are about?” Ian asks.

Mickey shrugs his shoulders.

“Sometimes,” he whispers.

“Sometimes it’s my dad. He beats me and says some pretty nasty shit,” he continues.

“The worst is when both of them are in the dream.”

Ian looks at Mickey with sad eyes, unsure of how to comfort his boyfriend. He looks so small right now, so fragile.

“Hey, look at me,” Ian says cupping Mickey’s face.

“They can’t hurt you anymore. I’ll never let anyone hurt you okay?”

Mickey nods and Ian places a chaste kiss on his mouth.

“I love you,” Ian adds, “more than anything.”

“I love you,” Mickey says softly.

They lay down, Ian taking his place as big spoon, wrapping a protective arm around Mickeys’ waist. Mickey lets himself be held as he closes his eyes and tries to think about anything other than what’s on his mind. He just prays that when he wakes up, it’s in the morning and not in the middle of the night, sweating and screaming in fear.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 

Mickey can’t help it but he’s just too scared to sleep. He doesn’t know why all of a sudden he’s having these damn dreams. He’s always had nightmares as a child but they were sporadic, happening only once or twice a month. Now he’s having nightmares almost every night and the effects are starting to show.

He’s been late to work twice already this week. He forgot to pick up Ian’s heart medication, misplaced his keys three times and can barely stay awake during sex. He’s never felt so fucking tired but the thought of sleep literally terrifies him.

The nightmares themselves are also getting worse. At first it would be glimpses of his dad or Danny. Now it’s full on beatings or rape and when he wakes up he can still feel them, even smell them in his room. It seems so real that he’d rather be exhausted than asleep.

Ian is out of his mind with worry. He has no idea what to do or how to help Mickey but he knows he needs to do something so the next time that he’s working at the hospital he decides to ask for advice.

“Hey, Dr. Stevens, can I talk to you for a minute?” he asks standing just outside her office.

Dr. Stevens is a friend of Ian’s father who he was introduced to when he first moved to New York. She went to school with Eric and she worked at the hospital in Chicago with him before moving to New York ten years ago. She’s a psychiatrist that deals mainly with PTSD patients, mostly from 9/11. She’s about the same age as Ian’s dad but with dark hair and dark brown eyes. Her skin is pale however, suggesting a possible Eastern European heritage.

“Of course Ian, come in,” she gestures politely to the chair in front of her desk. He takes the seat and looks around the room anxiously, unsure of where to start this conversation. She senses his hesitation and speaks first.

“Is something on your mind?” she asks.

Ian lets out a nervous laugh but quickly regains his composure.

“Well, um…” he begins.

“Whatever it is, you can tell me. I promise that anything you say in this office will remain between the two of us, okay?” she says.

Ian nods and swallows thickly before speaking again.

“It’s just my boyfriend, he’s been um… having really bad nightmares, like waking up sweating and screaming nightmares and I don’t know what to do. He keeps telling me that he’s fine but I know he’s not. And lately he’s been afraid to go to sleep so he stays up and watches TV or he goes for walks in the middle of the night. He’s also getting really forgetful and he’s angry a lot. I mean he’s normally an angry guy but now more than ever, anything I say might set him off. I’m really worried about him…” Ian explains.

Dr. Stevens takes out a notepad and begins to write on it. Ian looks at it and suddenly regrets coming to her for help. What if she asks personal questions? Everything that’s happening to Mickey is his to tell, not Ian’s. He makes to get up.

“Um look, maybe I shouldn’t have said anything…” he starts but she cuts him off.

“Ian I assure you that anything you tell me will be in the strictest of confidence. I want to help your boyfriend but I need you to talk to me.”

Ian seems unsure but decides to stay, taking a seat once more.

“Do you know what he dreams about?” she asks.

Ian nods but doesn’t say anything. When she presses him, he simply says, “He’s gone through some heavy shit in his life.”

“Something traumatic?” she inquires.

Ian nods again. He sees her write some notes quickly before she speaks.

“Has he ever been to therapy or received any kind of psychological help for his trauma?”

Ian shakes his head.

“Well that’s the first thing I would suggest. He needs to work through whatever happened to him before he can get better. There’s also medication and some techniques I can show him to help him sleep,” she explains.

Ian stands up. “I’ll talk to him but I’ll be honest, he’s not one to ever talk about his feelings. I doubt he’ll go for it,” he mumbles.

“Ian I understand his hesitation, but if doesn’t get help, this will only get worse. He could develop some serious health issues including depression, high blood pressure, even cognitive issues. He needs to talk to someone.”

Ian nods and takes the business card she offers him.

“You or your boyfriend can call me day or night okay?” she says sincerely.

He walks out of the room not feeling any better. He could barely get Mickey to talk to him, how the hell was he gonna get him to talk to a stranger? He pockets the business card and gets back to work.

When he gets home, Mickey isn’t there but he remembers that he has a shift that night at the bar. He sets his back pack down on the dining room table and gets his books out, intent on doing some serious studying.

A few hours later he glances at the clock and knows that Mickey should be home soon. He suddenly feels anxious. He’s not looking forward to this conversation but he knows things can’t continue the way they are.

“Hey,” Mickey says, walking through the door. He looks like shit. The bags under his eyes are dark and sallow turning his bright blue eyes into dull lifeless orbs.

“Hey,” Ian replies.

Mickey walks over to the couch and flops down, tilting his head back and closing his eyes.

“How was work?” Ian asks, easing into a conversation.

“Fucking busy man. It’s Wednesday and these fuckers drink like they don’t have shit to do tomorrow,” he answers.

Ian makes his way to the couch and takes a seat next to his boyfriend. He turns to face him before he speaks again.

“Mickey? Have you ever talked to anyone like a therapist or something?” he asks nervously.

Mickey opens his eyes and looks right at Ian.

“What the fuck for?” he asks, clearly agitated.

“It might help, you know with the nightmares and stuff?”

Mickey shakes his head and stands up, obviously done with this conversation.

“I fucking told you not to worry about it,” Mickey says walking to the fridge and grabbing a beer.

Ian gets up and walks toward him.

“Well I am worried Mickey! Maybe you don’t see it but this is fucking you up! You don’t sleep, you forget shit all the time, you show up to work late, you stay up all night. Mickey you need help,” Ian pleads.

“I don’t need shit,” he bites back but Ian doesn’t back down.

“I talked to a psychiatrist at the hospital today and she said she could help you,” he explains while digging in his bag for her business card.

“You did what?” Mickey growls.

Ian stops what he’s doing and looks at his boyfriend. Mickey’s beyond the state of anger. He’s somewhere between blind rage and mass murderer. Ian watches him set his beer down.

“Mickey I was only trying to-”

“You fucking told some stranger about me, about my shit?!” he yells.

Mickey moves toward Ian who instinctively retreats back. Ian shakes his head.

“No Mickey, it wasn’t like that. I just told her-” Ian tries to explain but Mickey isn’t having it.

“You had no fucking right to do that Ian!” Mickey bellows, continuing to approach the red head.

“I’m worried about you!” Ian screams back but Mickey doesn’t stop.

He grabs on to Ian’s arms tightly and begins to shake him.

“I told you I’m fine! There’s nothing fucking wrong with me!”

He’s holding on to Ian fiercely, surely leaving bruises.

“Mickey you’re hurting me!” Ian shouts but Mickey isn’t listening. Ian can feel the tears tugging at the corner of his eyes.

“You need to leave me the fuck alone! You don’t talk to anyone about me, ever! You got that!?” Mickey yells as he shoves Ian against the wall roughly causing him to fall down. Ian hits the wall and then the floor. He looks up at Mickey with a pained and shocked expression.

Mickey immediately retreats as he realizes what he’s just done. Ian’s breath catches as he clutches his chest. His pace maker must have sensed an attack and shocked him. He slowly gets up but keeps his back to the wall. They never take their eyes off each other.

“Ian…” Mickey mutters.

Ian steps to the side and walks into the bathroom, slamming the door. Mickey quickly walks to the bathroom door and tries to open it but Ian has locked it.

“Ian please, open the door. Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… You know I would never…Fuck,” he sputters.

“Leave me alone Mickey!” he hears Ian yell through the door.

He can tell that Ian’s crying and it’s breaking his heart. He’s been really good about keeping his temper in check. He knows when they first starting seeing each other he would get violent and even hit Ian but for a long time now, he hasn’t done anything remotely physical to him. Not until tonight.

“Ian are you okay?” he asks but gets no response.

He doesn’t even know how it got this bad. He’s just so angry all the time. He knew it was only a matter of time before he blew up. Maybe Ian was right, maybe he needed to talk to someone and figure out what the fuck was wrong with him. It was clearly getting out of hand and he didn’t want to hurt Ian, ever.

“Ian I’ll talk to the psychiatrist okay? I’ll do whatever you want, just please open the door. Or at least let me know you’re okay,” Mickey pleads.

Mickey steps away from the door when he hears the knob turn. Ian cautiously steps out of the bathroom, wiping his hands over his wet eyes.

“You’ll talk to her?” Ian asks softly, keeping his eyes on the floor.

Mickey steps forward but Ian flinches back. He deserves that. He continues to step forward regardless until he’s inches away from Ian.

“Yes, I’ll do whatever you want. I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry Ian,” Mickey chokes out, tears now running down his face too.

Ian finally looks up at him and sees the sincerity in his eyes.

“I mean it Mickey, promise me you’ll talk to her,” Ian begs.

Mickey nods. “I will, I promise,” he whispers.

Ian finally lets Mickey embrace him, placing a soothing hand on Mickey’s head as he begins to sob.

“I’m sorry Ian. I don’t want to be like him. I don’t want to hurt you. Please believe me, please,” he cries out.

Ian doesn’t say anything but continues to hug his boyfriend in an attempt to calm him down. He wants to trust Mickey when he says he’ll get help, but Ian will have to see it to believe it. Asking for help is not something Milkoviches do.

“You wanna go to bed?” Ian asks gently.

Mickey nods as he wipes away at his tears. They get into bed without saying anything to each other. Mickey is convinced that Ian is still angry until he feels Ian wrap his arm around him. He was back to feeling safe, something Ian could always do.

That night, Mickey slept better than he has in months. He slept through the whole night without one single nightmare. Maybe it was the knowledge that he was finally getting help, that made him sleep better. Maybe it was knowing that Ian loved him no matter what.

Whatever it was, Mickey woke up feeling good. Something he hadn’t felt in a long time. Maybe talking to someone wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe…


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's only gonna go downhill from here, prepare yourselves!

Chapter 3

 

“Mickey Milkovich?” he hears the receptionist say.

He stands and walks over to her desk.

“Dr. Stevens is ready for you. Down the hall, third door on the right,” she says, pointing to a long corridor.

He makes his way to the office and gently pushes it open.

“I’m Natasha. You must be Mickey, is it okay that I call you Mickey?” she asks, extending her hand out.

He shakes her hand and nods. His hands feel clammy and sweaty. He didn’t expect to be this nervous but he feels like he might just vomit.

She motions for him to sit on a large modern looking leather couch as she takes her seat on an equally modern leather chair next to it.

She can sense his discomfort and decides to break the ice.

“How long have you and Ian been together?” she asks with her pen and note pad at the ready.

Mickey looks around the expansive office before he answers.

“Um, almost two years,” he says.

“How did you two meet?”

“I thought we were gonna talk about my nightmares or some shit. Why do you keep asking me about Ian?” Mickey bites, irritated.

Ever the professional, Natasha was unfazed by his brash demeanor.

“I feel its best if I get to know you a bit before we jump right into it. Is that okay with you Mickey?” she requests.

Mickey nods. He doesn’t even notice he’s biting his thumb until he draws blood. Fuck he’s nervous. He realizes that she’s waiting for his answer so he finally speaks.

“We met in the Southside. I was dealing at my usual corner and he wanted some blow. He pissed me off and I pulled my gun on him but this fuckhead Damian walked over and distracted me and Ian took my gun. Then he shot me and the cops came. It was kinda fucked up,” he finishes.

He looks over and sees her writing vigorously on her notepad.

“So tell me about your relationship with him. How is that going?”

“Its fucked up, why the fuck do you think I’m here?” Mickey states, clearly getting angry.

“I’m sorry Mickey, I’m not trying to make you upset. I just need all of the facts before I can help you,” she replies calmly.

She tries a different approach.

“Ian told me you had been through some ‘heavy shit’,” she says making quotes with her hands. “Wanna tell me about that?”

Mickey snorts in response. “How much time you got?”

She smiles. “All the time in the world.”

“Let’s start with your family, can you tell me about them?”

“Not much to tell, we’re all pretty fucked up,” he says.

“Tell me about your parents. Your mom?”

Mickey looks down at his hands. “She’s dead, overdosed when I was like 12,” he whispers.

“And your father?”

Mickey closes his eyes and plays with his fingers to try and make his hands stop shaking. He’s not ready to talk about him. Not yet.

“I… I don’t want to talk about him,” Mickey stutters.

“Okay, do you have any siblings?”

“Yeah I have three brothers and a sister, but I only talk to my bother Iggy and my sister Mandy,” he discloses.

“Why is that?” Natasha prods.

“It’s complicated,” he mumbles.

He sees her scribbling down her notes again. Jesus, this woman was writing a novel.

“Does your family know you’re gay?”

That caught Mickey off guard. “What the fuck?” he asks, genuinely confused.

“Well it’s part of who you are and I’m trying to get to know you,” she clarifies.

“Iggy and Mandy know. I’m not sure about my other brothers, but considering they called me a fag the last time I saw them, I’m pretty sure they know too,” he points out.

“Does your father know?” Natasha asks slowly.

“I told you that I don’t want to talk about him!” Mickey growls.

“Why not?” she prods further.

“Because I don’t! Because he’s a piece of shit and I’m fucking happy that he’s dead!” Mickey yells, somewhat startling his therapist.

“When did he die?” she asks fully aware that she’s walking into dangerous territory.

Mickey looks at her and then abruptly stands up, making his way to the door.

Natasha stands and puts an arm out to stop him.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” he snarls.

“Mickey don’t leave like this,” she pleads, holding the door closed.

“You will never get better if you don’t talk about what happened to you. I know it’s difficult-”

“You don’t know shit! You have no idea what he did to me!” he yells back at her.

“Then tell me Mickey, help me understand,” she begs with sincere eyes.

Mickey doesn’t know why he believes her. He figures most therapists would have let him walk out the door, thankful to not have him as a patient. But she’s determined. She almost reminds him of Ian. Ian forced him to talk and wouldn’t take no for an answer and he always felt better afterwards. Maybe this could be like that too.

He finally calms down enough to turn back toward the couch and take a seat. He’s angry but at this point he has no idea who he’s angry with. He fumbles with his hands once more, unsure of what to say or do.

“Would you say your father was abusive?” she asks, pen in hand.

Mickey can only laugh. “You could say that.”

“Tell me when the abuse started, Mickey.”

He shrugs. “I… I don’t know. Maybe when I was five or six. That’s the first time I remember him hitting me.”

He looks up and notices that she’s waiting for him to continue.

“Um… I think I spilled something, beer maybe. He got pissed and slapped me across the face. After that it happened more and more so I tried to not piss him off. But then he would try to hit Mandy and I’d get mad and make him hit me instead.”

She writes down her notes and pauses, looking them over before speaking.

“Did it ever get more physical or violent than that?” she asks softly.

“Yeah, as we got older, he got angrier. The worst was after my mom died. He was in a rage after the funeral, blaming all of us for her death. We told Mandy to leave the house to keep her safe and I’m glad we did because he probably would have killed her.”

“Why is that?” she prods.

“She looks a lot like our mom,” he clarifies.

She nods and motions for him to continue.

“That night he bruised my ribs and fractured my jaw. I got off lucky. He broke Colin’s leg and nose, dislocated both of Iggy’s shoulders and broke Joey’s arm in two places,” he describes weakly.

He looks up and expects to see a look of pity but finds something else instead, she’s interested. He certainly wasn’t expecting that.

“Have you been hospitalized before due to the abuse?” she presses.

“Um yeah, a few times but we tried to stay out of the hospitals as much as possible. They ask too many questions and we knew CPS would only make things worse.”

“Can you tell me about the last time you were hospitalized?” she asks.

“It was when I first started seeing Ian. My dad would sometimes mistake my sister for our mother. When he was drunk or high, he would yell at her like she was our mom, telling her to stop cheating on him or some shit. This night he had his hands around her throat, screaming at her. I got pissed off and yelled at him. I insulted him and did whatever I could for him to let her go. When he did, he lunged at me and started beating me. I don’t remember exactly what happened but I woke up a week later in the hospital. I guess one of my lungs got punctured and I had to be put on a ventilator.”

He notices her staring intently at him.

“I’m sorry that happened to you Mickey,” she says.

Her expression still doesn’t look like pity but it’s enough to make him uncomfortable.

“It’s fine, it’s whatever…” he mumbles.

“It’s not fine Mickey. It’s horrible and it should have never happened to you,” she pushes.

Mickey looks away, unable to keep her stare.

“I’m going to ask you something Mickey and I need you to answer it truthfully okay?” she requests.

Mickey nods slowly, unsure about what was coming.

“Do you think you deserved what your father did to you?” she questions.

Mickey is confused by the question.

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand… I,” Mickey tries to argue but can’t.

“Everything your father ever did to you, the hitting, the yelling, do you believe that you deserved it?” she presses.

“I… I don’t… I don’t know. I mean, yeah, maybe?” Mickey answers, still confused by the question.

No one had ever asked him that before. She writes a few more notes before looking at Mickey and smiling.

“I think we can stop there for today. You did really good Mickey,” she admits, placing her notepad and pen on her desk.

She stands up and motions for Mickey to do the same. He walks with her to the receptionist’s desk where she instructs him to make another appointment. He makes one for the following day and they part ways. As Mickey walks toward the elevators, he can’t help but think about her last question.

‘Do you think you deserved it?’

Of course he deserved it. Why else would his father hit him… right?

 

***

 

The question nags him the entire walk back to his apartment. His father would always tell him that someone got a beat down because they did something to warrant it. You never beat someone down unless they did something… there was always a reason. So why would it be different with his kids? If Mickey got beat, it was because he did something to deserve it. Period.

When he gets home he’s a little surprised to see Ian sitting on the couch.

“Hey, what are you doing home? I thought you had a rotation today?” Mickey asks, making his way to the couch.

“I switched with Renee. I wanted to be home when you got back, in case you wanted to talk or something,” he explains.

Mickey sits down and the boys turn to face each other.

"How was it?" Ian asks tepidly.

“It was weird but I kinda like her,” Mickey divulges.

Ian smiles.

“I’m not gonna lie though, I almost walked out. I didn’t realize how much talking about… him pisses me off. But she was pretty persistent and annoying. She reminded me of you actually,” Mickey grins.

Ian scoffs at the insinuation that he is at all annoying.

“You calling me annoying?” he says playfully.

“You know you are Gallagher!” Mickey shoots back with no venom, shoving the other boy gently on the shoulder.

They look at each other intensely, as Ian slowly moves on top of Mickey, pushing him down on to the couch. He begins to kiss Mickey’s neck, trailing his mouth down to Mickey’s collarbone.

“When’s your next appointment?” Ian asks in between kisses.

“Tomorrow,” Mickey groans, running his fingers through Ian’s hair.

Ian stops what he’s doing and looks into Mickey’s eyes. “I’m proud of you. I know this isn’t easy for you,” Ian whispers.

 Mickey responds by pushing his mouth up to Ian’s and kissing him passionately.

“I love you,” Mickey whispers.

Ian just smiles and connects their lips again.

Mickey found himself almost looking forward to therapy the next day. Talking to someone wasn’t actually as hard as he thought it would be.

He had no idea how bad it could actually get…


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

 

“Hello Mickey. It’s nice to see you again,” Natasha greets as Mickey enters her office.

He takes his seat at the couch and looks around, actually taking notice of the artwork and plaques on the wall. The furnishings in the office are very modern but the paintings seem old fashioned like antiques. Natasha follows his eyes.

“Do you like that painting?” she asks.

“Um… sure, it just seems kinda outta place in here,” he answers.

“That one was a gift from my father. He gave it to me before he died. It’s been in our family for three generations,” she explains, pointing to a large painting hanging behind her desk. Sitting in an ornate golden frame is a young woman standing with her hand at her hip, posing in a flowing full white dress.

Mickey looks down at his hands when Natasha mentions her father. What a great relationship they must have had, he thinks. She senses his uneasiness and instantly feels guilty. She turns toward him and offers a gentle smile.

 “How did you sleep last night?” she starts.

Mickey keeps his eyes down at his hands.

“I slept fine, I guess,” he answers meekly.

“No nightmares?” she presses.

Mickey simply shakes his head.

“How about the night before?” she continues.

Mickey remains quiet, refusing to answer. He plays with the zipper on his hoodie, praying for a subject change, but it doesn’t come.

“Mickey?”

He looks up at her, taking in her concerned face and then brings his eyes back to his hoodie.

“I need you to talk to me, Mickey,” she insists.

He finally gives up and speaks.

“Yes,” he whispers.

“Can you tell me about it?” she questions.

Mickey can feel the heat at the back of his neck as he chews the inside of his cheek. He closes his eyes.

“Was it about your father?” Natasha asks after a long silence.

“Kind of,” he offers quietly.

“How do the nightmares normally start?”

“Me and Ian are… um… we,” he starts to explain, clearly uncomfortable.

“You’re having sex?” she chimes in.

Mickey nods.

“Okay, then what happens?” she presses.

“I close my eyes and when I open them, it’s my dad on top of me. He starts hitting me and yelling at me,” Mickey shares.

“Is that all that happens?” she asks.

“Is that all?” Mickey asks defensively.

“I didn’t mean it like that Mickey, but it feels like you’re leaving something out,” she explains.

She watches as Mickey expression turns to anger.

“What the fuck? Did you talk to Ian? Did he tell you about Danny?! Is this why you’re fucking pressing me so hard?” Mickey growls and makes to get up.

“Who’s Danny?” Natasha asks him, stepping between Mickey and the door.

‘Fuck you!” he screams and shoves past her, out the door.

He looks at the clock in the waiting room and notices that Ian should be on his rotation right about now. He needed to get to the bottom of this. There’s no telling what he would do if Ian had told someone about Danny. It’s the one thing he trusted Ian with. After all, he was the only one who knew.

He makes it to the second floor and walks straight toward the information desk.

“Can you tell me where Ian Gallagher is on his rotation?” he asks quickly and somewhat out of breath.

The woman at the desk rolls her eyes and looks down at her computer screen.

“He’s on the pediatrics ward, 8th floor,” she answers seemingly annoyed.

He makes his way to the elevator and punches the number 8. He knows he shouldn’t be bothering Ian while he’s at work but he needed to know that his secret was safe. Once the elevator doors open, he rushes out and finds his boyfriend sitting on a tiny chair, playing with a little girl who’s hooked up to a large machine. He stops a few feet short of them when Ian looks up at him.

“Mickey?” he asks, genuinely confused.

He stands and walks to Mickey but then turns and whispers in the little girl’s ear. Mickey can’t hear what he says but judging from the girl’s nod, he assumes its along the lines of ‘I’ll be right back’.

“Mickey, what are you doing here?” he demands.

“I… um. I was at my appointment…” he trails off.

Ian face softens when he realizes why Mickey is there.

“Is everything okay?” Ian continues. He can tell that Mickey is agitated about something.

“Did you… did you tell her about Danny?” Mickey asks in a frightened hushed tone.

“No Mickey, why?” Ian asks, confused by the line of questioning.

He looks away, suddenly feeling stupid. Of course Ian wouldn’t say anything. He was just being paranoid.

“Are you okay?” Ian asks again.

“Yeah, it’s fine. I just, I’m sorry, its nothing,” Mickey mutters.

“You sure?” Ian questions, taking Mickey’s face in his hands, forcing the older boy to look at him.

“Yeah I’m fine. I didn’t mean to bother you,” he confirms.  

Ian leans in and hugs his boyfriend. “I’ll be home in a couple of hours. We can talk then okay?”

Mickey simply nods and breaks away from the embrace. He gives Ian a small smile and turns around to head toward the elevators.

Once inside, he instinctively hits the number 3. He doesn’t realize he’s back on his therapists floor until he reaches the receptionists desk.

“Is Dr. Stevens still here?” Mickey asks shyly.

“I’m sorry, do you have an appointment-”

“It’s okay Allison. Mickey follow me, please,” Natasha instructs, guiding him back to her office.

He takes a seat once again but this time he keeps his eyes on his doctor.

“I’m glad you came back Mickey,” she says thoughtfully and waits until he’s ready to start.

He remains silent for a few minutes but then finds the courage to speak.

“It isn’t just my dad in the dreams,” he begins.

“There’s a man named Danny. He…he rapes me in the dreams,” Mickey mumbles, no longer able to maintain eye contact. He already feels the tears tugging at his eyes.

He can hear Dr. Stevens pen scribbling intently on her notepad. He glances at her and meets her eyes.

“Did you know Danny?” she asks.

Mickey nods. “He was my dad’s friend.”

“Why do you think you see him in your dreams?” she inquires.

Mickey doesn’t answer.

“Mickey? Did he hurt you?” she continues.

As soon as the question leaves her mouth, he looks away sharply and closes his eyes.

“I know this is difficult to talk about but it’s really important if you want to get better.”

He slowly opens his eyes and looks back at her. He swallows back the tears before he answers.

“Yes, he hurt me,” Mickey whispers.

“Can you tell me what he did?” she asks softly.

Mickey looks down at his hands, trying desperately to fight back the emotion that he knows will soon overwhelm him.

“He raped me when I was 13,” he chokes out.

He doesn’t even realize his hands are trembling but he does feel the familiar wetness in his eyes. He shuts his eyes tightly as images from that night flood his mind. He tries to shake the thoughts out of his head but they soon take over.

‘I don’t get it. I’ve always had nightmares about Danny, ever since it happened but it was once in a while, not every fucking night! And now I see him even when I’m not asleep. I feel like I’m fucking going crazy!” Mickey sobs.

“And I know I’m being stupid. I know they’re just dreams but I can still feel him inside of me when I wake up! Just thinking about it makes me sick!” he continues.

“I can’t even fuck my boyfriend because I’m afraid I’ll open my eyes and see Danny or my dad! What the fuck is wrong with me!” he shouts through tears.

“Mickey there is nothing wrong with you. You simply haven’t worked through the traumatic events that have happened to you and your mind is trying to deal with it as best as it can. It takes time but I promise, it will get better,” she says pleading with Mickey.

He looks at her and slowly begins to calm down.

“Would you say you feel safe with Ian?” she asks out of nowhere.

“Yes,” he whispers, slightly confused.

“Okay. The next time you get overwhelmed or have a nightmare, I want you to think about Ian. Think of a time when you really felt safe with him. Focus on that image and if you need to say his name over and over. The point is to flood your mind with a positive thought instead of letting the negative ones takes over. Can you do that for me?”

Mickey nods, still shaken from his outburst.

“You’re doing great Mickey. I need you to know that okay?” she pleads.

Mickey nods again and gets up from the couch.

“I want to see you again Mickey,” she confesses.

“You will,” he says quietly and leaves the office.

As he leaves the hospital he thinks about his doctor’s advice. It doesn’t seem like it will help but he won’t know until he tries. He tries to remember a time he felt safe with Ian and he smiles when a lot of instances come to mind. The one thing he consistently loved about Ian was his ability to make Mickey feel safe.

One of the many reasons he loves that red head. Maybe there was hope after all.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

 

“Stop it!” Mickey yells.

He thrashes around, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists.

“No! No!” he continues.

Ian is already awake. He looks down at Mickey and the scene before him makes him want to cry. He sees the pained expression on Mickey’s face. He can’t begin to imagine what he’s going through. It’s bad enough that so many horrible things happened to his boyfriend, but to know that he has to relive them constantly, that’s more than Ian can take.

“Mickey, wake up,” he says, grabbing his boyfriend.

After a few more gentle shoves, Mickey opens his eyes and per usual, shoots up and frantically searches the room.  His eyes meet Ian’s.

“Ian?” Mickey whispers.

Ian smiles at him. Mickey’s breathing slows down long enough for him to reach out and cup Ian’s face. He brings Ian closer, forcing their foreheads to meet. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Ian isn’t sure what Mickey is doing. Normally he would be throwing up by now.  He can hear Mickey whispering something.

“Ian, Ian, Ian,” he finally hears.

Ian places his hand on Mickey’s jaw and brings his face up to meet his eyes. Mickey opens his eyes and smiles.

“Hey, you okay?” Ian asks a still smiling Mickey.

Mickey nods and reaches forward connecting their lips. Ian is a little surprised by the gesture but eventually leans into the kiss. Mickey grabs the back of Ian’s head and pulls him down on top of him, never disconnecting their lips.

Ian hovers over Mickey, unsure if he should continue. He looks into Mickey’s eyes and realizes he doesn’t see fear but lust instead. Mickey pulls him down and crashes their lips again. This time Ian doesn’t hesitate to return the kiss and soon the exchange heats up. Hands are roaming everywhere, boxers are being pushed down and moaning starts to fill the room.

 

***

 

“Not that I’m complaining but what was up with last night?” Ian asks as he pours himself a cup of coffee.

Mickey gives him a small smile and takes a sip of his own coffee. 

“Nothing, just… never mind,” he mumbles.

“C’mon Mickey, you can tell me,” Ian gently prods.

Mickey looks down at his coffee but then meets the red heads stare.

“Natash- um Dr. Stevens said when I wake up from a nightmare to think of a time I felt safe and to let that memory take over,” he says sheepishly.

“So what did you think of?” Ian asks, putting his coffee mug down and giving Mickey his full attention.

“The lake. Fourth of July weekend. That night we sat on the dock,” Mickey whispers.

A slight blush has taken over the left side of his face. Ian just smiles. He reaches over and pulls Mickey into a hug.

“Yeah that was a good night,” Ian recalls.

Mickey breaks from the embrace and looks at Ian intensely.

“I wanted to tell you that night, you know, that I love you, but I was too chicken shit…” Mickey trails off.

“Hey, that doesn’t matter. What matters is that we’re together now and that we love each other okay?” Ian says to Mickey.

Mickey nods but then begins to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Ian asks.

“Could we be aymore gay?!” Mickey snorts.

Ian giggles at his silly boyfriend.

“Well remind me to thank Dr. Stevens,” Ian laughs.

Mickey punches his arm playfully and smiles. Nothing can describe how happy Ian is to finally see Mickey smile again. He’d only been going to therapy for two weeks but there was already a huge improvement.

Mickey wasn’t scared to fall asleep anymore. He still had nightmares but he was able to recover quicker. Since he started therapy, he’s only thrown up once from a nightmare and that was something they were both thankful for. Ian feels like he is starting to get his Mickey back.

“Shit, I better go or I’m gonna be late for class,” Ian exclaims, pressing a quick kiss to Mickey’s lips.

He grabs his back pack and runs out the door but not before yelling goodbye to his boyfriend.

“Bye,” Mickey says back.

 

***

“What’s going on Mickey, you seem especially jumpy today?” Natasha asks.

Mickey looks up, not even realizing that he’d been bouncing his leg the whole time.

“Um, I’m fine, it’s just…” Mickey takes a deep breath.

“We leave in two days and I’m kinda freaking out. I mean, I miss Mandy and Iggy but I’m not ready to go back. I’m not ready to see my other brothers. What if I freak out or have more nightmares or they start asking questions…?”

“It’s okay Mickey, calm down,” she soothes.

He takes another deep breath and looks back at his therapist.

“The first thing we need to do is discuss why you’re afraid to go back. Now you mentioned being scared that they would ask questions. What did you mean by that? Who would ask questions?” Natasha inquires.

“My brothers, Colin and Joey said they wanted to meet up. I haven’t talked to them since… since it happened… since my dad…,” Mickey can feel his body tensing at the mention of his father but he tries to suppress the urge to run.

‘Since your father died,” Dr. Stevens clarifies.

Mickey nods.

“And you’re afraid that they blame you for his death?” she continues.

Mickey nods again.

“They don’t understand. They were hardly home. They weren’t there when it got really bad. They don’t know what he did to me,” Mickey mutters softly.

“Do you think they would understand, if you explained it to them? If you told them what he did?” she presses.

“I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want anyone to know,” he whispers.

“Do any of your siblings know about Danny?” she asks.

Mickey’s head snaps up immediately.

“No! And its gonna stay like that!” Mickey growls.

“Okay Mickey, calm down,” she insists.

“You know I would never push you to do something that you aren’t ready for. But you say they don’t understand what happened and you won’t tell them either. Is it then fair to be angry with them?”

Mickey never thought about it like that. It was true, Colin and Joey were hardly ever home. They didn’t see the abuse like Mandy and Iggy did. And none of his siblings knew about Danny. So was it fair of him to be mad at them? Damn, he hated when she made sense.

“So what? You want me to tell them everything? Just like that?” he asks defensively.

Natasha shakes her head.

“Of course not. I just want you to keep an open mind and understand their perspective. If you feel like sharing parts of what happened, you can but don’t rush to anger. Can you do that?” she explains.

“I’ll try,” Mickey mumbles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to Chicago!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's gonna get heavy, bear with me.

 

Chapter 6

 

“Ian! Mickey!” he hears his mother yell from the exit next to baggage claim.

Both boys turn and find Lucy smiling and waving for them to come over. Ian looks at Mickey and whispers, “You ready?”

Mickey nods and they proceed toward the door. Ian envelopes his mother in a big hug, picking her up and twirling her around, much to her delight. Once he sets her down she turns to Mickey. He slowly makes his way into her open arms and shyly hugs her. She knows Mickey’s not into showing affection, but over time he’s been able to let her in, especially when Ian was in the hospital.

“Where’s dad?” Ian asks.

“He’s bringing the car around,” she answers.

They grab their luggage and head outside, instantly finding the family Range Rover among the other cars in the pick-up area.

“Boys, how was your flight?” Eric asks once they all climb into the car.

“It was fine,” Ian answers, placing his hand on Mickey’s thigh. He can tell that Mickey is distracted but doesn’t say anything.

“Well I’ve got dinner waiting at home. Oh Mickey, don’t forget to invite your siblings over for Christmas Eve dinner okay?” Lucy asks.

“Mickey?” she asks again, after receiving no response from the dark haired boy.

Ian nudges him gently and he turns to face them.

“What? Sorry..” Mickey mumbles.

Ian gives his mom a ‘don’t ask’ look and she drops the subject. Once they arrive at the house, Mickey and Ian head upstairs to unpack. As he’s digging in his suitcase, Mickey feels Ian reach around his waist and pull him closer.

“Hey, you okay? You kinda zoned out in the car,” Ian asks with concern.

“Yeah fine, just out of it, you know?” Mickey whispers.

“Look, I know you don’t want to be here but-”

“It’s not that Ian, I want to be here, it’s just…” Mickey shakes his head.

“I want to be here,” he says looking at Ian.

Ian leans down and kisses Mickey softly. Mickey cups Ian’s face and deepens the kiss but before it can go any further, the door flies open.

The boys break away as Eric clears his throat.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, “just wanted to let you know that dinner is um ready… so whenever you’re… yeah.”

“We’ll be right down dad,” Ian offers, hands still attached to Mickey’s waist.

Ian looks at Mickey.

“You good?” he whispers.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Mickey replies.

 

***

  

“Hey assface!” Mandy squeals, hugging Mickey tightly.

“Hey hey, c’mon now!” Mickey protests, gently pushing her hands away from him.

She lets go of her brother and immediately jumps on Ian.

“Jesus,” Ian mutters, grinning widely.

Mickey gives Iggy a slight head nod which he returns, also nodding toward Ian.

“You’d think she was happy to see us or something?” Ian says.

“Nah, she just wants her Christmas present, isn’t that right you hooch?” Mickey asks.

 

Mandy just grins and motions for the boys to come into the living room. After she turned 18, she moved out of her aunts house and got an apartment with Iggy. It made sense since he didn’t really have a place to stay. For a while he just couch surfed where ever he could and they both didn’t want to return to the Milkovich house.

Mickey was proud of them. Both managed to get their GEDs around the same time as Mickey. Iggy was taking classes at the community college to become an electrician and Mandy had enrolled at the local beauty school.

They both had normal jobs and were doing pretty well from what he could see. It’s everything he ever wanted for them.

Mickey carefully places the bags of presents on the floor. He sees his sister waiting expectantly and if he didn’t love her so much he would have yelled at her. But as usual he gives in. He reaches into one of the bags and pulls out a large box, handing it over to her. She quickly rips the box open and screams when she sees her gift. It was the most beautiful dress she had ever seen.

‘Oh my god! I can’t believe it! How did you know?” she squeals.

Mickey just rolls his eyes.

“You emailed me a picture of the dress remember? And the store, color, size…” Mickey finishes.

Mandy just hugs him again.

“You better hug Ian, he went out and actually got it,” Mickey informs.

She lets go of her brother and hugs Ian tightly mumbling ‘thank yous’ over and over.

Mickey then looks at Iggy and hands him a huge bag.

“Jesus Mickey, what the fuck?” Iggy protests.

“Just open it asshole,” Mickey retorts.

Iggy reaches into the bag and pulls out an expensive looking black winter parka, complete with fur trimmed hood.

“Holy shit,” he whispers looking the garment over.

‘You um, like it?” Mickey mumbles, unsure of his gift choice.

“I…I…” Iggy keeps muttering.

He finally puts it on and it fits him perfectly.

“Holy shit,” Iggy says again, smiling widely.

Out of nowhere, Iggy walks up to Mickey and embraces him, catching him completely off guard.

“Thanks man,” he hears his brother whisper.

The boys break apart.

“Thank Mandy, she said you could use a new coat,” Mickey says.

Ian hands the last gift to Mickey, urging him to give it to Mandy.

“This one is for both of you so you better share!” Mickey warns.

Mandy grabs the box and gasps when she opens it. Inside sits a shiny new laptop with all the bells and whistles.

She looks up at Mickey, wanting confirmation that they were being given the correct gift.

“Mickey thought you guys could use it for school,” Ian chimes in.

 “Damn Mickey,” Iggy exclaims, “You’re gonna spoil us! Well, you’re boyfriend is gonna spoil us!”

“Hey! I paid for this shit! I have a job you know!” Mickey says defensively.

Iggy and Mandy look to Ian who nods in confirmation.

“Well shit little bro,” Iggy says.

Mandy takes out the lap top and begins to play with it as Iggy motions for the boys to have a smoke.

“You talk to Colin or Joey yet?” Iggy asks, taking a drag of his cigarette. 

Mickey shakes his head. “Naw man and I don’t know if I want to.” He exhales the smoke and takes another long pull. 

“You can’t just shut them out Mickey,” Iggy pleads.

“They weren’t there Iggy, they don’t understand. And besides, they fucking shut me out after the funeral!” Mickey yells.

“They want to make peace Mickey!” Iggy yells back.

“You sure about that? You sure they’re not just looking to kick the shit out of me?” Mickey glares.

“I won’t let that happen. C’mon Mickey, it sucks being apart like this,” Iggy says in a more calm voice.

“You make it seem like that’s my fucking fault!” Mickey screams, getting into Iggys face.

“I didn’t say that!” Iggy shouts but Mickey has already started to turn away.

“You’re not the only one he hurt you know!” Iggy growls and it makes Mickey stop and turn.

“He hurt me too and Mandy and Colin and Joey. He hurt all of us Mickey, so stop trying to make this about you!”

Mickey doesn’t hesitate as he rears his hand back and punches Iggy square on the jaw.

“Fuck!” Mickey yells, shaking his throbbing hand.

“Mickey, what the fuck?” Ian yells, holding him back.

“You don’t know shit Iggy! What he did to you guys was a fucking vacation compared to… to…”

Mickey finally lets up and Ian releases his hold. He sees the tears tugging on Mickey’s face.

“Compared to what?” Mandy inquires, making her way outside and taking in the scene before her.

“Nothing… I … we need to go. Ian, I wanna go,” Mickey stutters pushing through them toward the car.

“What the fuck was that about?” Iggy demands.

Ian looks between Iggy and Mandy with sad eyes. “It’s complicated, look I’ll talk to him,” Ian whispers.

“He told you didn’t he? Whatever the fuck is going on with him… you know huh?” Iggy interrogates.

Ian looks guilty but shakes his head. “I need to go.”

“What is it? What isn’t he telling us?” Mandy pleads.

“I need to go,” Ian repeats and heads to the car, leaving the two siblings shaken and confused.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I warned you!!

Chapter 7

 

They drove straight home from Mandy and Iggy’s apartment. Mickey didn’t say anything in the car but looked like he was going to completely shut down. Naturally it made Ian worry.

“Hey are you okay?” Ian asks Mickey as they enter the bedroom.

 “I don’t know what to do Ian. What do I do?” Mickey asks in a worried tone, turning to look at Ian.

Ian walks up to him and wraps his arms around Mickey’s waist.

“Do I tell them? Fuck… I don’t know if I can. What if they judge me or something,” Mickey whispers.

“They wouldn’t judge you Mickey. But ultimately it’s up to you. It’s your story to tell,” Ian says softly, cupping Mickey’s face.

Mickey steps closer and meets his lips to Ian’s. It’s chaste at first but it quickly turns heated. Mickey just needs to think about something else right now. For weeks all he has been able to think about is his dead father, Danny, his siblings and therapy. He needs this because in some sick way, Mickey needs to know that Ian loves him. That no matter what happens, he will always have Ian.

Mickey pushes Ian back until he hits the bed and sits on the edge. He quickly straddles Ian and connects their lips again. Ian holds on to Mickey’s waist tightly, moaning softly at the friction between them.

Mickey breaks the kiss to remove his sweater while Ian does the same. When they bring their mouths together again, Ian reaches down Mickey’s back and grabs on to his ass, squeezing over and over.

By now Mickey has built a steady rhythm, rocking back and forth on Ian’s lap, forcing Ian to close his eyes and moan loudly. Ian grabs Mickey and flips him on to his back, instantly climbing over him and devouring his mouth. His right hand reaches down to Mickey’s jeans, unbuttoning them and pushing them off. At the same time, Mickey unbuckles Ian’s jeans and shoves his hand underneath Ian’s boxers. He latches on to Ian’s dick and begins stroking it roughly.

“Fuck Mickey,” Ian groans as he attacks Mickey’s neck, sucking a large red mark.

Ian stands up and takes his jeans and boxers off. He climbs back on top of Mickey and swiftly removes his boxers too. They kiss with sudden intensity, completely worshipping each other. Mickey’s hands roam over Ian’s back as he pulls him in closer, deepening their kiss.

Mickey breaks away and looks into Ian’s eyes intently. Ian stares down at his boyfriend, searching his expression.

“Tell me you love me,” Mickey whispers with wet eyes.

Ian didn’t even realize that Mickey was on the verge of tears until he spoke. Why was Mickey asking this? He has to know how much Ian loves him… he has to.

“I love you Mickey,” Ian answers softly.

Ian leans down and reconnects their lips, hoping to prove to Mickey that he loves him more than anything. Mickey kisses him back desperately as if Ian’s words will fill him up and somehow make him whole.

Ian slowly enters Mickey, never once taking his eyes off his boyfriends face. As soon as he’s flush with Mickey’s body, he repeats his earlier statement.

“I love you.”

He begins to move in and out of him gently, continuing his repetitions.

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

It’s almost too much for Mickey. He closes his eyes to stave off the tears and tightens his grip on Ian’s back. After a few minutes he lets himself relax and his body takes over. He arches his body off the bed as Ian picks up his pace.

Soon both boys are moaning messes, holding on to each other, desperately conveying their love for one another.

“Oh fuck Ian,” Mickey mewls on a particularly deep thrust.

Ian closes his eyes as he speeds up and buries his head in the nook of Mickey’s neck.

“Jesus fuck Mickey. You feel so fucking good,” Ian exclaims breathlessly.

Ian opens his eyes and turns to look at Mickey while continuing his thrusts.

“I’ll always love you Mickey… Always,” Ian whispers.

Mickey gasps and bites his bottom lip as he comes hard on his chest. He feels Ian tense above him and push in, enjoying his own orgasm.

The boys stare at each other for a while, not speaking with words but with their eyes. They’ve both been through so much, but together they seem whole and happy. Mickey realizes that he doesn’t need his brothers or sister. He wants them in his life, but if they treat him differently when they find out what happened to their dad, then he doesn’t need them.

He resigns to tell them the truth about the night their father died. He just hopes they understand.

 

***

 

“Where the fuck are we going?” Mickey says impatiently.

“Colin and Joeys place,” Iggy answers simply, “Take a right, it’s at the end of the street.”

Ian turns and drives along a shoddy road in Canaryville. He stops at a large duplex on the corner, parking his BMW along the street.

“You sure about this?” Ian asks Mickey as they leave the car.

“Nope,” Mickey answers simply.

They walk into the large house, taking the stairs to the second level. Iggy knocks twice and waits for his brothers to answer the door.

Ian can tell that Mickey is nervous about this meeting. They have no idea what to expect from Joey or Colin but Mickey hopes that they’re ready to reconcile and be a family again.

Joey opens the door and motions for the boys to come in. Mandy was left out on purpose. Mickey wants to tell her separately, at Ians house, away from his brothers. Mickey knows how quickly this situation can get out of hand and he doesn’t want Mandy around that.

As they walk inside, Joey’s eyes instantly find Ian’s. He looks him over, studying him, unsure of what to say. Ian doesn’t think Joey looks like Mickey or Iggy. He wonders if maybe he had a different mother but that’s a thought for another day.

The air is clearly stale and tense as the boys look everywhere but at each other. Finally Iggy breaks the uncomfortable silence.

“Where’s Colin?” he asks.

“Out, went to get smokes. He’ll be back in a few minutes,” Joey answers.

Joey turns to look at Ian again.

“Joey this is Ian my boy-”

“Boyfriend? Yeah I heard you turned fag,” Joey sneers.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Mickey growls, moving toward Joey.

Ian holds him back as Iggy holds on to Joey.

“That’s right, hide behind your bitch!” Joey yells.

“What the fuck Joey!” Iggy shouts pushing at Joey roughly.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish!” Joey yells at Iggy, pushing him back.

“Hey, fucking stop this shit!”

They all turn to see Colin standing at the door, face stern, eyes deep and menacing.

He walks up to Joey and smacks his head.

“Ow, what the fuck?!” Joey exclaims.

“We’re not here to fight!” Colin grits.

Colin turns and looks at Ian.

“I’m Colin, obviously and this is Joey,” he motions to his brother standing behind him.

“I’m Ian,” Ian says sheepishly.

“I know,” Colin confirms.

“You do?” Mickey says, surprised.

“Yeah, Iggy and I talked a few weeks ago. He told me how Ian’s dad saved your life,” Colin explains.

“Ian saved my life,” Mickey mumbles.

Colin just smiles. He motions for them all to sit at the dining room table as he reaches for a six pack in the refrigerator. Handing them each a bottle, he takes his seat at the head of the table, a fitting gesture since he is the oldest and now the official head of this household.

“Look Mickey, I don’t want to fight anymore. I know some shit went down-” Colin begins to say but is cut off by Mickey.

“By some shit do you mean when you called me a fag, blamed me for dad’s death and said you never wanted to see me again?” he growls.

Ian instinctively places his hand on Mickey’s arm and he immediately relaxes. Colin takes notice.

“I shouldn’t have said that. I was pissed off okay? Dad died and you wouldn’t tell us what happened! No one would tell us anything! What did you expect?” Colin says in a frustrated tone.

“I didn’t expect for my own brothers to turn on me!” Mickey yells.

“Well we didn’t expect you to turn into a homo!” Joey adds.

Colin and Mickey just roll their eyes.

“I didn’t turn into a homo, you asshole! I’ve always been into guys but I could never do anything about it because of our piece of shit father!” Mickey bellows.

“Don’t say that about him!” Joey shouts, making to get up from the table but Colin shoves him back down.

“Knock it off, both of you!” Colin snaps clearly annoyed.

“Listen Mickey, I don’t blame you for dad’s death okay? But you have to tell me something. I mean, what the hell happened?” Colin pleads.

Mickey looks down at his hands, a common gesture when he’s nervous.

“He was gonna kill me Colin. He knew about me and Ian and he tried to…” Mickey abruptly stops when he looks up and sees someone standing at the front door. All of the boys turn to see what he’s looking at. Ian looks between Mickey and the man at the door and then back at Mickey.

He can see Mickey shaking, his hands trembling, his breath speeding up.

“Mickey?” Ian whispers.

Colin and Iggy notice too.

“Am I interrupting?” the stranger asks.

“Sort of… Do you need something?” Colin inquires turning to meet the strangers glare. He realizes the guy is staring at Mickey and Mickey is staring right back, except Mickey looks terrified.

Suddenly Mickey stands up, runs into the bathroom and begins to puke. Ian is about to follow him when the stranger approaches him, arm outstretched in greeting.

“We haven’t been formally introduced. I’m Danny,” he says.

***

 

Ian freezes at the name. Oh shit, he thinks. His first instinct is to kick the guys ass but then his mind takes him to Mickey. He takes his hand back from Danny and runs toward the bathroom.

He can hear Colin and Danny talking and then someone leaving, he assumes Danny.

Mickey is on the floor with his hands hugging his knees, shaking, rocking back and forth just like the night of his father’s death when Ian found him. Ian kneels down in front of Mickey.

“Mickey, look at me. You’re okay. I’m not gonna let him hurt you. Mickey?” Ian tries desperately to get Mickey to look at him but fails. His eyes are fixed to the floor.

He hears Mickey mumbling over and over and realizes that he’s trying the relaxation technique that Dr. Stevens taught him to do after a nightmare. It clearly isn’t working since this is not a nightmare but real life.

Mickey never thought he would see Danny again. Why the hell was he here? What has he told his brothers?

Mickey finally looks up at Ian. He reaches out for him, placing his hands on Ian’s arms, gripping him tightly. Ian hugs him back and continues to whisper to him.

“You’re okay Mickey. I’m right here.”

“I wanna leave Ian, please,” Mickey pleads.

Ian helps Mickey to his feet and instantly embraces him.

“I love you,” Ian whispers.

They break from their embrace when Iggy comes over.

“You okay there bro?” he asks with concern.

“He’s fine but we need to go,” Ian says brushing past him, Mickey clinging to his side.

“Wait you’re leaving?!” Colin asks grabbing a hold of Mickey’s arm.

“What the fuck was he doing here!?” Mickey snarls.

“What Danny? He lives downstairs, this is his house,” Colin informs.

“What’s your problem? Danny’s helped us a lot since Dad died,” Joey chimes in.

“Yeah he’s been great, even offered us a place to live after the funeral,” Colin adds.

Mickey feels like puking all over again but he keeps it in.

“He’s a piece of shit!” Mickey grits.

“Oh god! What is it with you? You think everyone’s a piece of shit, is that it? You don’t even know him!” Colin yells.

“Oh trust me, I know him!” Mickey bites back.

“You need to stop this Mickey! You think everyone is against you and everyone is bad!” Colin screams.

“He is bad!” Mickey yells.

“How would you know?!” Colin yells back.

“Because he raped me!” Mickey screams with tears in his eyes.

The room goes silent.

All eyes are on Mickey.

Ian grabs his hand and squeezes it tightly. Mickey fights back the impending sob.

“What the fuck did you say?” Colin asks sternly, staring at his little brother.

Mickey looks up expecting to see pity but finds anger instead. His eyes widen.

“You seriously that starved for fucking attention Mickey? Why would you say something like that?” Joey joins in.

They don’t believe him. His biggest fear was having his brothers pity him, but never once did he think they wouldn’t believe him.

“What?” is all Mickey can choke out.

“You think I’m making this up?” he growls.

Ian can sense Mickey’s anger and he knows he’s about to explode. He tentatively takes a step back.

Mickey walks toward Colin slowly, stopping only when he’s a few inches from his face. There’s an intense look in his eye.

“That asshole held me down and raped me while I screamed for him to stop and do you know who told him to do that to me?” Mickey whispers menacingly.  

“Terry. He told Danny to fuck the faggot out of me. At least that’s what he told me… before I swung the bat at his head… and watched him bleed to death.”

Mickey enunciates the last sentence with vicious intent. He told himself the previous night that he didn’t need his brothers in his life and it seems as if he won’t have them. All three brothers stand there, jaws agape at Mickey’s confession.

“You have your memories of our dad and I have mine. As far as I’m concerned, you can all join him. I don’t need any of you!”

Mickey gives them one last look before turning to Ian.

“Let’s go home,” Mickey says calmly.

Ian follows him out the door but stops, giving Iggy one last look. Iggy’s face is made up of mainly shock mixed with sadness. The question of whether or not Mickey killed their father has been answered. The new question is… what happens now?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a doozy of a chapter... enjoy!

Chapter 8

 

“Can you believe that shit?” Joey asks, turning to look at Iggy and Colin.

Iggy is still in shock, unsure of what to say. He doesn’t move. Iggy always knew there was something Mickey was hiding from him but he never expected it to be what he’s just heard. It all makes sense now though, he thinks.

Terry did seem to target Mickey more than his other siblings. At the time Iggy was just happy that he wasn’t the one being hit but he never realized there was a pattern. Iggy then remembers the nightmares that Mickey had. He always thought they were about their mother, about her death but now looking back he realizes what they were actually about. He remembers how Mickey would scream out ‘stop’ and ‘get off me’.

Mickey was telling the truth. He had no reason to lie about who did it, but Danny? He had done so much to help his family, especially after the funeral. Why would he do that? Was it guilt?

“Yeah, I don’t know why he would lie about something like that. I guess dads death really fucked with him,” Colin retorts.

“It’s bad enough that he took dad away, now Danny? Fuckin fag,” Joey sneers.

“He’s telling the truth,” Iggy says, finally snapping out of his shock.

“What?!” both brothers say.

“You’re not serious Iggy?” Colin frowns.

Iggy walks to the front door, placing his hand on the knob before turning to look at his brothers.

“He’s telling the truth,” Iggy repeats and walks out the door.

  
***

 

Colin has no idea what’s going through his head right now. He loves his brother Mickey, but he knows there’s no way Danny hurt him. After the funeral Danny was there for his family. He stepped up and handled everything with the house, even paid all the legal fees. He’s been awesome.

Still, there was something nagging at Colin. That’s why he found himself standing in front of Danny’s  door at 3 in the afternoon.

“Hey Danny, can I talk to you a second?” Colin asks, making his way inside Danny house.

“Sure man, what’s up? Is this about Mickey?” Danny questions.

He walks to the fridge and grabs a beer, offering one to Colin, who declines. He tenses at the mention of Mickey.

“Look I know this a totally random question but-” Colin starts but Danny interjects.

“You wanna know if I fucked your little brother?” Danny asks incredulously.

Colin shakes his head. He can’t believe he was about to ask that. What the hell is he thinking?

“That was stupid, I’m sorry,” Colin apologizes.

Danny smiles at him and takes a seat on the couch. Colin feels like an idiot.

“No worries man,” Danny says as Colin walks to the front door.

“It was a long time ago,” Danny continues.

Colin stops and turns around.

“What?” Colin asks, completely caught off guard by his comment.

“You and Mickey?” Colin asks moving back into the living room.

“Hey don’t look at me like that. I said it was a long time ago,” Danny confesses.

“How, how long ago?” Colin stutters.

Danny seems agitated by the questioning.

“I don’t know man, like five years or something. Why?” he asks, clearly annoyed.

Colin realizes Mickey would have been 13 years old.

“Five years ago? He was 13. Danny, what the fuck?” Colin growls, standing in front of the older man.

Danny gets up and heads back toward the kitchen.

“Why are you making such a big deal out of this? I didn’t even want to but your dad practically begged me to do it!”

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,” Colin mumbles over and over while he paces in the living room.

He didn’t believe Mickey. His little brother was telling the truth about something horrible that happened to him when he was a little kid and he didn’t believe him!

Colin has the sudden urge to throw up. He looks up and sees Danny standing between the kitchen and the living room. The two men stare at each other for what seems like hours.

Colin walks slowly toward the older man. Danny looks at Colin, noticing his clenched fists, his stern expression.

“Did Mickey want to?” Colin asks menacingly.

“What?” Danny asks, thrown off by the question.

“My brother, did he want to have sex with you?” Colin clarifies.

Danny looks down at the ground, not wanting to answer the question.

“You raped my little brother?” Colin growls lowly.

Danny rolls his eyes but before he can respond, Colin throws a punch, landing squarely on Danny’s nose. Colin smirks when he hears a satisfying crunch.

“What the fuck Colin?” Danny gapes, not believing what just happened.

Colin throws another punch, bringing the other man to his knees but he doesn’t let up, he can’t.

He continues his assault on Danny, screaming at him in the process.

“You!” punch. “Raped!” punch “My” punch “Little” punch “Brother!” punch.

He doesn’t even realize that Danny has stopped moving. It’s not until he feels Joey’s hands around his shoulders, lifting him up, that he stops throwing punches.

Colin can feel the tears stinging at his eyes as he looks down at the piece of shit before him. He turns to Joey but doesn’t say anything. The stay silent for a while, until Joey speaks.

“We need to find Mickey,” he whispers.

Colin nods, giving Danny one final kick to the stomach before exited the house.

 

***

 

“Jesus fuck, I’m coming!” Iggy shouts, stumbling toward the door.

Maybe the whiskey was a mistake but Iggy needed to feel numb. He couldn’t believe how much his brother had suffered and he hadn’t done anything about it. He didn’t protect Mickey like he promised he would. Some best friend he turned out to be.

He swings the door open and rolls his eyes at the sight of Colin and Joey.

“What the fuck do you two want?” Iggy slurs.

“Jesus Christ Iggs, are you drunk?” Colin remarks, pushing his way into the apartment, Joey following closely behind.

“So what?” Iggy sneers, leaning up against the door.

“Not like you care. Not like you ever cared…” Iggy mumbles.

“Hey! That’s not true and you fucking know it!” Joey chimes in.

“What do you want!?” Iggy repeats plopping down on his couch.

“Cuz if you’re here to talk more shit about Mickey, I ain’t interested!” Iggy continues.

Colin immediately looks down at the mention of Mickey. He still feels sick to his stomach for not believing him.

“We need to find him,” Joey clarifies.

“Why? Wanna fag bash some more bro?” Iggy glares at Joey.

Frustrated by the hostility between his brothers, Colin finally speaks.

“I know Mickey was telling the truth. I talked to Danny,” Colin shamefully admits.

Joey huffs.

“Talked? More like almost killed,” he says smiling.

Iggy looks between the two brothers, surprised. He then notices Colin’s bloody hand and clothes. He hadn’t even realized there was blood on his brother.

Colin takes notice and clarifies, “It’s all his blood.”

Colin and Joey take a seat on the couch. Iggy passes the bottle of whiskey down, each brother taking his fill and passing it back.  The brothers settle into a comfortable silence.

“This is all my fault,” Iggy confesses, finally breaking the silence.

“It’s not your fault Iggs. None is us did anything to stop dad,” Colin whispers.

“I knew dad was a prick but having someone… do that to Mickey, I mean what the fuck?” Joey adds.

“We should’ve stop him. We didn’t do anything to stop him!” Iggy growls, frustrated at the situation.

“Mickey stopped him,” Joey says quietly.

Both brothers turn to look at him, surprised by his comment.

“We need to find him, make this right,” Colin states.

“He’s at Ian’s house, on the Northside,” Iggy tells them.

“You know where it is?” Joey asks.

Iggy nods and stands up but almost falls over.

“Maybe I should drive?” Colin asks.

Iggy nods and the boys leave the apartment, ready to find their brother and make amends.

They just hope Mickey is willing to forgive them…

 

***

 

“Holy shit,” Colin mumbles at the sight of Ian’s house.

Joey just stares, wide eyed.

Iggy smirks at his brothers before ringing the doorbell.

“Iggy, how nice to see you!” Lucy exclaims, her smile genuine.

“Hey Mrs. Gallagher, is Mickey here?” Iggy asks, blushing slightly.

“He’s downstairs with Ian,” she answers and then turns her attention to the other two boys with Iggy.

“And who’s this?” she asks in a cheery tone.

“Oh sorry, this is Colin and Joey. Mickey’s other brothers,” Iggy informs her.

She simply smiles and lets the boys in, motioning to the stair case on the left that leads to the lower level.

They can hear the TV as they descend into the basement. Iggy is about to say something when he and his brothers stop dead in their tracks.

They’re on the couch; Ian is on top of Mickey, grinding into him, in what seems to be a pretty heated make out session. But when Ian’s hand finds its way into Mickey jeans, Iggy speaks up.

“Whoa, stop right there! I do not need to see that shit!” he dramatically exclaims as the brothers make their way closer to the couch.

Mickey opens his eyes and sees all three of his brothers staring at him. Instinctively he pushes Ian off him and scrambles to stand up. Both boys desperately try to straighten their hair and clothes, much to the amusement of the brothers.

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” Mickey sneers, finally standing up and buttoning his jeans. Mickey is clearly angry but Ian just seems embarrassed.

Mickey angrily pushes past his brothers. “Get the fuck out!” he growls but Colin grabs his elbow, forcing him to stop.

“You better take your fucking hands off me Colin!” Mickey grits through his teeth.

Colin just takes Mickey’s face into his hands and looks intensely into his eyes.

“I’m sorry Mickey,” he whispers.

Mickey tries to get away from his brother but then observes the others in the room. They don’t look angry and Mickey realizes they’re not there to hurt him.

“I’m sorry,” Colin repeats.

Mickey sees the tears running down his brothers face and then notices the blood on Colin’s shirt. Colin understands the concerned look on Mickey’s face. He brings his hands down, releasing Mickey and grabs at his shirt.

“It’s Danny’s,” he states simply.

Mickey then sees Colin’s bruised up hand and his eyes widen but he remains silent.

“He told me what he… did to you and that dad told him to do it,” Colin chokes out.

“So you believed him but not me?” Mickey asks lowly.

“Mickey-”

“You believed that asshole when he told you what he did to me, but not your own brother! And now what? You want to feed me some bullshit apology and pretend everything’s okay? Not fucking happening!” Mickey bellows.

He turns away from his brothers and rushes up the stairs.

“Fuck,” Colin spits out. He knew he deserved that reaction, but to be honest, he was hoping it would have gone better.

They all follow but Ian stops them once they reach the main floor.

“I’ll go talk to him,” Ian says uncomfortably.

As he walks to the stairs leading to his room, Iggy stops him.

“Please Ian, we just want to make things right,” he pleads.

Ian looks at all the brothers. They seem genuinely remorseful and willing to make amends.

“I’ll try,” Ian says as he runs up the stairs.

When he reaches his room he expects to find Mickey pacing and agitated. Instead he finds him in the corner, sitting on the floor, hugging his knees to his chest. As he walks closer, Ian sees Mickey’s glassy eyes look back at him.

“Are they gone?” he whispers.

Ian shakes his head and kneels in front of Mickey as he starts to cry.

“They didn’t believe me Ian. I’m their brother and they thought I just wanted attention,” he sobs.

“I know Mickey. They made a mistake, but they’re here to make up for it,” Ian soothes, placing his hand on Mickey’s knee.

“How can you take their side?” Mickey asks.

“I’m not taking their side. Look, I’ve never had brothers okay? But I know if you don’t try and hear them out, you’ll regret it. You might think you don’t need them now, but one day you might. Don’t shut them out Mickey,” Ian explains.

Mickey appears to be thinking about it but gives in when Ian throws him the puppy eyes.

“I fucking hate you, you know that right?” Mickey spits with no venom.

“No you don’t,” Ian retorts cheerfully.

He playfully shoves Mickey and helps him up.

“You’re so annoying,” Mickey rolls his eyes.

“My mission in life,” Ian sings as he practically pushes Mickey out of the bedroom.

They make their way down the long staircase but Mickey hesitates on the last few steps.

“We just wanna make things right Mickey, please,” Iggy begs.

He joins his brothers as Ian leads them into the living room. Mickey and Ian sit on one couch and the other boys sit on the opposite couch.

“Tell us what happened,” Colin asks quietly.

“Are you going to believe me?” Mickey whispers, looking right at his brothers.

They all nod their heads.

“What do you want to know?” he asks all of them.

“What happened with Danny?” Joey asks first.

He had the closest relationship to Danny, so naturally he needs to know.

“He raped me, I already told you that,” Mickey says dismissively.

“I need more than that Mickey. He’s been like a fucking father to me these last few years… Please,” Joey pleads.

Mickey closes his eyes and tries to calm himself. This isn’t exactly how he thought his vacation would go, but he knows he has to do this.

“It was at one of dad’s welcome home parties. I was 13. He came into my room, I don’t remember when but it was late. He got on top of me… I tried to get him to stop but… I couldn’t,” Mickey chokes out, swallowing back the tears.

Ian squeezes Mickey’s hand, intertwining their fingers. Mickey looks over at Joey and sees the sad look on his face.

"I tried to scream but he put his hand over my mouth. I almost passed out from the pain," he finishes softly, returning his eyes to the floor.

It was Colin’s turn now.

“What happened with dad?” he asks.

Mickey looks at Ian, watching as he nods to Mickey, telling him it’s okay.

“I… I can’t…” Mickey mumbles.

Frustrated, Colin stands up.

“You can’t tell us but you told _him_!” Colin yells, pointing a finger at Ian.

Now Mickey stands up, taking Ian with him. Iggy and Joey do the same.

“He was there! Don’t you get that!?” Mickey screams, motioning to Ian.

“Since day one he’s been there for me. You weren’t. You and Joey were gone! He was there when dad almost killed me the first time. His father saved my fucking life!”

Mickey’s full anger is now showing.

“And when I told him about what Danny did to me, he believed me which is more than I can say for you three!” he shouts, pointing his finger at all three brothers.

“Mickey-” Ian tries to get him to calm down but it’s useless.

“No Ian! They don’t get to do this! They don’t get to treat you like you don’t matter!” Mickey bellows.

“Just tell us what happened!” Iggy shouts back.

Right as he says it, Lucy comes into the room. All eyes fall on her. She shifts uncomfortably, sensing the uneasiness in the room.

“Hi boys, I just wanted to see if you wanted any-… you know what, I’m just gonna run to the store, be back soon!” she says in a fake cheery voice and runs out the door.

Everyone seems to deflate after she leaves. They all sit back down, all except for Iggy.

“Please Mickey. Just tell us what happened,” he begs.

Mickey lets out a long sigh and closes his eyes. He can do this, he tells himself. 

“I was here with Ian. Dad came with Uncle Ronnie and dragged me back to the house,” he pauses, taking a deep breath. He looks down at his hands.

“He started hitting me, calling me a fag and telling me how he’s known all these years that I was gay. He said he wished I’d never been … born … and then he told me that he was the one who told Danny to rape me. He held me down on the dining table and got a baseball bat,” Mickey tries but can longer keep the tears in.

Iggy finally sits down slowly, unable to fully process what his brother is confessing.

“He told me he was gonna fuck me with the bat,” Mickey sobs shutting his eyes tightly.

He doesn’t notice it, but all three brothers stand up and walk toward him. They all kneel in front of Mickey and each one places a hand on him. Mickey opens his eyes, tears streaming down his face.

“I didn’t mean to kill him. I just… I couldn’t let him… not again… I’m sorry,” he cries.

Suddenly all three boys grab Mickey and hug him. Ian can see both Joey and Colin crying as well.

Iggy looks up at Ian and mouths ‘thank you’ before leaning into the embrace. Once they break apart, Mickey immediately latches onto Ian and hugs him fiercely. The brothers look at the display of affection with admiration instead of contempt. They’re all glad to see Mickey with someone who loves him. He deserves that much.

Ian returns the hug and strokes Mickey’s hair lovingly. He smiles down at his boyfriend and whispers in his ear.

“How about they stay for dinner?”

Mickey doesn’t answer but nods and gives a small smile, wiping the tears off his face.

“You guys hungry? My mom makes a mean pot roast,” Ian smirks.

The boys smile and nod. Milkoviches don’t turn down free food. They walk back towards the lower level, intent on watching some TV before Lucy gets back and starts dinner. Suddenly, Iggy stops.

“Oh shit!” Iggy exclaims.

They all turn and look at him expectantly. “What?” Mickey asks.

“What about Mandy?” he inquires.

Fuck…


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys think the drama was over??

Chapter 9

 

“Well? Did you text her?” Colin asks his brother.

“Yeah. She said she just got home,” Iggy responds.

“We going?” asks Joey.

“No, I’ll go get her. I need to talk to her anyway. Iggy, text her that I’m coming over,” Mickey cuts in. He gets up and walks up the stairs to the main level with Ian following closely behind.

Mickey looks at Ian who nods and grabs his car keys off the wall.

“You gonna be okay?” Ian whispers, handing the keys over to his boyfriend.

“Yeah. I just wanna be alone when I tell her. I think it will be easier,” he explains.

He places a quick kiss to Ian’s lips before heading out the door. As he drives to his sister’s apartment, Mickey thinks about what he’s going to tell her. Will he even be able to say everything he has to? He’s nervous, not about telling her but about what she might think. Mickey has never really cared about what his brothers think of him but Mandy was different. Maybe it was because she reminded him of his mother.

He makes his way up the stairs to the apartment and knocks lightly before walking in.

“Mandy?” Mickey calls out, stepping into the living room.

“In the kitchen,” he hears her say.

He makes his way to the kitchen but stops when he realizes she isn’t alone.

“Hey Mickey, I’m almost done and then we can go,” she says, placing bloody gauze in the trash.

Mickey just stares, wide eyed. He thinks he’s dreaming, at least he hopes he is.

“You know Danny right?” Mandy asks her brother, totally ignoring his stunned expression.

She takes a wet rag and starts to wipe the blood from Danny’s face. He looks darkly at Mickey, a menacing smirk playing on his lips.

Mandy finally notices the stare down happening between her brother and Danny.

“Isn’t it terrible? He got jumped by two crack heads on his way to work,” Mandy confesses as she continues to clean his face.

Mickey looks at Mandy and then back at Danny.  He’s had it with this shit.

“Mandy, get away from him,” he orders.

Mandy stops what she’s doing and looks at her brother, perplexed by his sudden outburst.

“Why? What’s wrong ?” she asks looking between the two.

The tension in the air seems sudden but is definitely present. Mickey slowly moves closer to both of them, never taking his eyes off Danny.

“Mandy, we need to go okay?” he insists.

Mandy still looks confused but finally begins to sense the shift in the room. She starts to back away from Danny but before she can get very far, he snatches her wrist and pulls her toward him. With her back against him, Danny holds Mandy’s body with one hand across her stomach and another clutching her throat.

Mickey immediately stops moving as Mandy struggles to get free but fails. There’s a genuine look of terror on her face.

“Let her go,” Mickey demands.

“Why should I?” Danny growls, tightening his grip around her neck.

“It’s me you want, right Danny? You don’t want her. Just let her go,” Mickey pleads.

He looks at Mickey, studying him, trying to figure out what he wants to do.

“Why couldn’t you just stay away!? I was taking care of them, trying to make up for what I did to you but you had to come and ruin it! Look what Colin did to me!” Danny snarls motioning to his face.

Mandy looks flustered. She has no idea what he’s talking about. The hand on her throat tightens and she feels the impending tears tug at her eyes.

“You honestly think you could make up for what you did to me!?” Mickey yells.

He never takes his eyes off Danny. He’s fuming right now. How dare Danny blame him for his siblings turning on him. Mickey never asked for any of this. All he wanted to do was to forget. But fate had a different plan.

“Let her go,” Mickey sneers again.

“Do whatever you want to me, but let her go… please,” he begs.

Danny seems to soften at the plea. He brings his mouth to Mandy’s ear.

“Get out,” he growls as he releases her from his arms.

Instinctively she runs to Mickey who pushes her away.

“Leave Mandy,” he says simply.

“Mickey, what the fuck? Let’s go!” she implores, tugging at his sleeve but Danny comes toward her, grabbing her once more. He pushes her to the front door and literally throws her out. He shuts the door, locks it and turns around. Mickey can hear Mandy on the other side of the door, pounding desperately.

Mickey wants to be strong right now but he can’t. He feels small and scared, like he’s 13 all over again. As Danny stalks toward him, he naturally takes a few steps back until he eventually hits the wall. His breath catches and his heart begins to race.

The only emotion on Danny’s face is anger. Mickey took away the little stability that Danny had. He considered Colin and Joey family and now they hated him. And it was all Mickey’s fault.

 

***

 

“Hey Mandy, what’s-” Iggy stops talking when he hears his sisters frantic pleas.

“Wait, what? Mandy slow down!” he yells, unable to understand what his sister is saying.

Iggy’s eyes widen as he begins to comprehend the situation.

“Shit,” he mumbles.

“What is it Iggy? What’s wrong?” Colin demands.

Joey and Ian look on apprehensively, waiting for an explanation.

“It’s Mickey, Danny has him,” he spits out.

Colin and Joey appear stunned while Ian goes into full on freak out mode.

“What the fuck do you mean Danny has him??” Ian yells.

The three brothers look at each other, having a silent conversation with their eyes.

Iggy finally speaks, “You packin?”

Colin and Joey each lift their shirts revealing their handguns. Iggy nods confirming his own. Ian looks between all of them, frantically.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Ian screams.

The boys turn and look at Ian, determination set into each of the faces.

“Getting our brother back. You comin pretty boy?” Colin snorts.

Ian doesn’t say anything. Instead he follows the three men up the stairs and out the front door. They all stop at Iggy’s piece of shit car that looks like it’s on its last life. There’s no way they’re gonna make it to the Southside anytime soon in that thing.

“Are you kidding me?” Ian huffs.

The brothers look at him and Joey speaks, “You got anything better richey rich?”

Ian smiles wide. They all cram themselves into his dad’s Mercedes CLA AMG sports car.

“This car tops out at 180, fair warning,” he says, revving the engine, as he peels out of his driveway. The brothers can only hold on for dear life.

 

***

 

Mickey knows he should be fighting back but his body is betraying him. Instead of trying to get Danny off of him, his mind has decided to shut down. He body feels numb.

Danny shoves him into the bedroom and throws him onto the bed. He immediately climbs on top of Mickey and holds him down, placing a hand at Mickey’s throat. Mickey doesn’t move. His brain shuts off as his eyesight becomes hazy and unfocused. He can feel what’s happening to him but can’t move to stop it.

When he feels Danny unbutton his jeans, he screws his eyes shut. His head is twisted upwards, straining his neck. He doesn’t understand why this is happening to him again. He can’t even bring himself to cry. Mickey just lies there, on the verge of passing out.

His mind races but fails to focus on any one thing. He’s losing his grip with reality. He doesn’t want to live in his reality. He doesn’t want to be there.

Mickey doesn’t notice when his brothers and Ian storm into the apartment. He doesn’t realize when Danny is no longer on top of him, but instead flaying around on the floor, being beaten and bruised. He doesn’t hear Ian’s voice. He doesn’t respond when Ian attempts to snap him out of his daze. Mickey can’t hear anything. He can’t see anything.

Mickey is gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you guys freak out... Mickey is NOT dead!


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 

“Ian, get Mickey outside… now!” Iggy orders.

He looks over and sees the three brothers, each pointing a gun at Danny, who is on his knees, pleading for his life. He turns back to Mickey and helps him off the bed.

He knows something is wrong with Mickey but now is not the time. He drags Mickey out the front door but stops at the top of the stairs. He looks at the closed apartment door and waits.

He flinches when he hears three distinct gun shots. Mickey closes his eyes but doesn’t move. Ian helps Mickey down the stairs and into the sports car, speeding away.

“Mickey? Are you okay?” Ian asks timidly.

Mickey just stares out the window, remaining silent. Ian reaches for Mickey’s hand and squeezes it but receives nothing in return. He’s starting to really worry. He doesn’t know exactly what Danny did, everything happened so fast, but he knows Danny did something.

Something pretty horrible if this was Mickey’s reaction. When they reach the house, Ian helps Mickey inside and up the stairs to their room. Mickey immediately curls into himself and fixates on the wall.

“Mickey?” Ian whispers, kneeling down in front of his beloved.

Ian can already feel the tears tug at his eyes. He places a soothing hand through Mickey’s hair but the boy doesn’t move. His eyes still fixed to the wall.

“Baby, please say something…” Ian’s voice cracks as his emotions get the better of him.

The tears fall freely now as the realization sets in. Something was very wrong with Mickey.

 

***

 

Ian makes his way down the stairs and joins his parents in the kitchen. His mother rushes to his side when she sees the tear tracks on his face.

“Ian, honey what happened? Is everything okay?” she asks full of concern.

He begins to cry again and his mother wraps her arms around him.

“It’s Mickey, there’s… there’s something wrong with him,” he chokes out.

“What happened?” Eric chimes in.

Ian tries to pull himself together long enough to explain the situation. He isn’t sure how much he should divulge. Maybe he’ll leave the murder part out for right now.

“Mickey was um… attacked and now there’s something wrong with him! He isn’t moving or talking. I can’t get him to do anything!” Ian says desperately.

“Please dad, can you check on him, please?” Ian begs.

“Of course,” he answers, walking to his office for his kit. He goes up the stairs and into the boys room. He finds Mickey, curled up in the fetal position, staring intently at the wall. He blinks, but other than that, he doesn’t move.

Eric steps closer to him and crouches down. He takes a small pocket light from his kit and shines it in Mickey’s eyes. He moves the light from left to right, hoping to coax some movement from Mickey’s pupils but nothing happens.

“Shit,” he mumbles to himself.

He takes his phone out and quickly dials a number.

“Robert? Yeah, I need your help,” he says, never taking his eyes off Mickey.

“It’s important, can you come over?” he asks.

“Great! I really appreciate it! See you soon,” he finishes and hangs up. He looks back at Mickey and sighs.

When he’s back in the kitchen, Ian immediately asks what’s wrong with his boyfriend.

“I’m not sure Ian. It’s like he’s catatonic. It happens sometimes when people experience trauma. I’ve got a colleague of mine coming over, he deals with this kind of thing. Maybe he can help,” Eric explains.

Ian nods, taking in the information but knowing this doesn’t make him feel any better. He just wants his Mickey back.

 

***

 

About 20 minutes later, Ian’s family has moved to the living room to wait for Eric’s colleague. When there’s a knock on the door, they assume it’s Robert. Eric opens the door but is surprised to see all of the Milkovich siblings instead.

“Is Mickey here?”

“Can we see him?”

“Is he okay?”

They all speak at once but rather than give them an answer, Eric simply moves out of the way and waves them inside. Ian has now come to the foyer to talk to the siblings.

“Is everything okay on… on your end?” Ian asks hesitantly.

They all nod. “All taken care of,” Colin adds.

“Where’s Mickey?” asks Iggy.

“He’s upstairs, wait!” he says suddenly, making the siblings stop their ascension.

“There’s… there’s something wrong with him,” Ian mutters.

Ian looks at all of them and sees the distressed features on their faces.

Luckily for Ian, his father comes to the rescue.

“I have a colleague coming soon to check on him. I’m sure he’s gonna be fine,” Eric says as confidently as he can.

He motions for them to follow him into the living room but they choose to go up the stairs anyway. Ian follows closely behind, as does his father.

When they reach the room, the siblings stop and examine their brother. He’s in the exact same position he was in an hour ago. He’s still fixated on the wall.

“Mickey?” says Iggy, walking slowly toward his brother.

“Hey bro, what’s going on?” he says, placing his hand on Mickey’s shoulder.

Iggy looks back at his siblings.

“What the fuck is wrong with him?!” asks Colin, turning toward Eric.

“We aren’t sure. My dad says he might be catatonic,” Ian answers.

They siblings look between themselves before Mandy chimes in.

“What the fuck is cata- whatever you said?” she asks.

This time Eric answers. “It’s where your body is awake but your mind shuts down, making it impossible to move or speak. It can happen sometimes, after a traumatic event. Whatever happened to him, it was bad enough to trigger this.”

The siblings look at each other again, shame written on all their faces. Everything Mickey had ever been through has finally caught up to him. All of the beatings, the verbal abuse, the rape, all of it had finally been too much. Mickey was broken.

“Can you help him?” Colin asks Eric.

“No, but my friend Robert will know what to do,” he answers.

They all stare back at Mickey. He looks so small and fragile, it’s painful to witness.

“Why don’t we go back downstairs and wait for Robert okay?” Eric suggests.

They head downstairs and into the living room. Lucy, being the gracious host that she is, offers everyone something to drink while they wait. The air in the room is thick and tense so Mandy tries her best to lighten the mood.

“So Ian, I’ve always wanted to know… how did you and Mickey meet?”

Ian’s a little thrown off by the question but smiles at the memory of it.

“My friends um… dared me to buy some cocaine in the Southside,” Ian mumbles. He looks at his parents who each have stunned looks on their faces. He mouths ‘sorry’ to both of them. He can hear his father muttering something about Caleb being a bad influence.

“We didn’t exactly hit it off. Well actually we got into a fight and I shot him in the shoulder,” Ian snorts, remembering that day like it was yesterday.

“That was you!” Iggy cuts in, laughing loudly.

Ian nods and laughs a little too.

“I’m assuming you’re the reason he was walking funny that night too, huh?” Iggy teases, making Eric choke on his drink.

Ian only blushes in response.

“How long ago was that?” Colin asks. Ian is surprised to see the eldest Milkovich interested in his brothers love life, but he figures it’s harmless.

“Almost two years,” Ian answers. Colin nods his head. He abruptly gets up and walks out the back door, cigarettes in hand.

Ian looks at his father who is also getting up and going outside. Eric gives his son a reassuring smile before he exits.

Outside, Colin is lighting up his cigarette when he sees Eric slip out.

“Those things will kill you, you know. And I’m not just saying that, I’m a doctor,” he smiles.

Colin snorts and then offers Eric a smoke, which he of course declines.

“Why you being so nice to us?” Colin asks, genuinely interested in the answer.

Eric however seems confused by the question.

“Because you’re Mickey’s family and he’s part of our family,” Eric states.

Colin doesn’t say anything to that; just soaks it in and takes a long drag from his cigarette.

“Mickey’s lucky to have you,” the boy says, keeping his gaze on the back yard.

“He’s lucky to have you too,” Eric retorts.

Colin huffs at that.

“Nah man, we didn’t do shit for him. Fuck, Joey and I split the second we turned 18. We left him there with that piece of shit. I knew what was happening and I didn’t do a god damn thing to stop it,” he says emotionally.

“But you’re here now,” Eric says softly, patting Colin on the shoulder. “That’s what matters.”

Colin looks at Dr.Gallagher with wet eyes but then quickly looks away.

They turn around when they hear the door open.

“Robert’s here,” Lucy informs them.

Back inside, Robert finds himself surrounded by a lot of skeptical and worried faces. Thankfully he doesn’t seem fazed.

“Robert! Thank you so much for coming,” Eric welcomes his friend with a hug.

“So how can I help?” he asks no one in particular.

Ian answers, “There’s something wrong with my boyfriend, he’s catatonic.”

Robert looks surprised but lets Ian continue.

“He was attacked and now he won’t talk or move or do anything. Please, can you help him?”

Robert nods. “Let’s have a look, where is he?”

“Upstairs in my room,” Ian answers.

“Why don’t you show me?” Robert asks, waving Ian up the stairs with him.

The siblings stay where they are along with Ian’s parents.

When he reaches the room, Robert walks straight up to Mickey and grabs his face. Ian is a little surprised by his lack of gentility. He looks into Mickey’s eyes then appears to check his heart rate.

“What’s his name?” Robert asks.

“Mickey,” Ian answers.

“Mickey, can you hear me?”

“Can you tell me what happened?” Robert asks Ian.

Ian isn’t sure if he should say anything. He remembers when Mickey told him to never talk about his shit to anyone but these circumstances are a little extreme. Ian takes a deep breath.

“When Mickey was younger he was raped by a family friend. That same person attacked him tonight. I… I don’t know what he did… um… when we got there, the man was on top of him but Mickey was already like this and he’s been like this ever since.”

Ian tries to keep the tears at bay but he can’t. It’s all too much for him.

“I see,” is all Robert says before heading out the door and back down stairs.

Everyone who is gathered in the living room stands up once Robert enters the space. Ian is not with him.

Robert addresses the whole room.

“It appears that Mickey is suffering from a catatonic episode as a side effect from his PTSD.”

The siblings look at each other trying to figure out what is happening.

“What the fuck does that mean?” Iggy asks, ever so tactfully.

“Yeah, can’t he just snap out of it?” Joey adds.

Robert shakes his head.

“No, it’s not that easy. He may come out of it on his own or he may need to be hospitalized.It's too soon to tell. In the meantime, stay close and engage him. Talk to him,” Robert explains.

“Can he even hear us?” Mandy asks.

“Yes, he can hear you and he needs to know that you’re here for him,” he finishes.

He walks over and talks to Eric as all the siblings run upstairs to see their brother. They stop a few feet from the open door and see Ian kneeling before Mickey.

“Please Mickey, I need you, please come back to me,” Ian whispers through a sob. He holds Mickey’s face, rubbing his thumb gently over Mickey’s cheek.

Ian leans his head down next to Mickeys and lets his whimpering sobs take over. The Milkovich siblings decide to leave them alone in their moment as they head back down stairs.

Eric offers them the guest house, explaining that it would be good of them to be nearby, just in case. They all accept but mainly it’s because they don’t want to go back to their apartments. Not after what just happened.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda heavy, but I thought it would be nice to show some Gallagher/Milkovich bonding :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: description of rape
> 
> The italics are Mickey's dream/catatonic state.

Chapter 11

 

_Mickey opens his eyes and sees the beautiful red head by his side. He smiles and thinks of how lucky he is to have found Ian. After everything he’s been through, having someone like Ian love him was more than he could ever ask for._

_He studies his lover’s face, inspecting every freckle from his forehead down to his chin. He sees the man stir and eventually open his eyes. Ian smiles back at Mickey and reaches for his face. The kiss is soft and sweet._

_Ian moves over Mickey and hovers above him. He leans down to kiss him again, wrapping his arms tightly around his boyfriend. He settles his head into the crook of Mickey’s neck and takes a deep breath. Mickey tightens his grip on Ian as they start rocking rhythmically together._

_Mickey could stay like this forever in Ian’s arms, safe and sound._

 

***

 

Colin carefully walks up the stairs, mindful of what time it is. It’s early and he doubts Ian is awake but this is an emergency. He knocks lightly on the door before stepping inside. He sees Ian with a hand draped over his brothers waist, holding him close. They both appear to be sound asleep.

Colin clears his throat and watches Ian wake up. He blinks his eyes tiredly before realizing that someone is in his room.

“Colin?” Ian asks, his voice still heavy with sleep.

“Hey sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you but we can’t get the coffee machine to work,” he explains.

Ian looks confused for a second before realizing what Colin was talking about. He lets out a small laugh.

“That’s because it’s an espresso machine,” Ian snorts.

Colin looks annoyed but remains silent. He sees Ian shuffling out of bed, careful to not disturb Mickey.

“I’ll be right down,” he informs the eldest Milkovich.

Colin looks at his brother sadly before nodding and leaving the room.

Once he’s dressed, Ian makes his way to the kitchen and watches four pairs of eyes study him. He walks over to the espresso machine and turns it on.

“How’s Mickey?” Mandy asks trying to break the ice.

Ian looks at all the siblings before answering.

“The same, still not moving,” he explains sadly.

She nods her head and looks down at her hands. Must be a family thing, Ian thinks.

“Um what do you guys want?” Ian asks pointing to the espresso machine.

“Coffee?” Iggy asks sheepishly.

Ian grins. “I mean do you want a latte, cappuccino, mocha??”

Mandy squeals at the prospect of drinking fancy coffee and announces to the room that she would like a latte. Her brothers shrug and tell Ian they want the same thing.

Ian starts to make the drinks when he sees Colin walking toward him. He tenses slightly, still unsure of how Colin feels about him.

“When you’re done with this, I need to talk to you, okay?” he whispers, looking Ian straight in the eyes.

Ian nods slowly and continues to make the coffee.

As he hands each Milkovich their drink, he waits for them to try it, hoping they like it.

“Yum!” is all Mandy manages to say before she starts guzzling her coffee.

The brothers follow suit, enjoying their warm beverages as well.

Colin looks at Ian and tips his head, motioning toward the back door. Ian follows Colin out, shutting the door behind him. He doesn’t know why, but he’s nervous.

Colin may not know it but he’s an intimidating guy. His features match Terry’s the most, the stern face, the menacing eyes and the ability to scare someone with a simple look. His big football player frame doesn’t hurt either.

Colin picks up on Ian’s nervous demeanor. He stuffs his hands into his pockets and looks right at him.

“I’m not gonna hurt you, so you can calm down,” he says and Ian immediately relaxes.

“Look, I just wanted to apologize,” he says shyly.

Ian’s eye widen. An apology? Definitely not what he was expecting.

“I didn’t give you a fair shot. I wanted to hate you and blame you for everything that was happening…I was angry about a lot of shit but it’s obvious that you love my brother. And he… he deserves to be loved…”

Ian can see Colin’s eyes getting wet.

“He’s different when he’s with you. He’s happy and calm. Iggy told me how much he would laugh and play around when he was with you. I never got to see that part of him. There really wasn’t anything to laugh about you know?  Mostly it was about surviving.”

“I don’t know what you did to him or how you did it but… thank you,” Colin chokes out.  

Ian smiles softly, touched by the kind gesture that Colin is putting forward.

“I love him more than anything and I just want him to be happy. I know right now it seems like he hates you, but he doesn’t. I know how important you guys are to him.”

Ian steps closer to Colin, almost too close.

“But if you ever hurt him again, I’ll end you. Got it?” Ian says the last part in a vicious tone, making sure to get his point across.

Colin is a little impressed by Ian’s sudden change into protective boyfriend. He grins and nods his head in understanding.

They make their way back into the house, only to find it seemingly empty. They go up the stairs and into Ian’s room. Iggy, Joey and Mandy are sitting on the floor opposite Mickey, talking to him like he’s actually listening.

Ian and Colin both take a seat and join the others.

“You remember when he threw that cement block through Jesse Donovan’s window? His mom almost had a heart attack!” Joey comments.

Ian looks confused. What was the big deal about a broken window?

Sensing this, Iggy explains, “He was 7. He had no fear of getting in trouble either!”

“Yeah I remember he said ‘let that bitch find me, I’ll fuck her up too!” Colin adds.

“He was 7?” Ian asks incredulously.

“Oh you shoulda seen the shit he did when he was 5!” Joey reveals as the siblings share a laugh.

Ian shakes his head and looks over to Mickey. He’s still staring at the wall, his eye lids falling somewhere between awake and asleep.

Mandy places her hand on Ian’s knee and smiles. He tries to smile back but his emotions get the better of him. Mandy tries to hug him.

“Hey,” she says but Ian shakes out of her hold.

“I just want him back. I need him back,” he cries out, wiping at his tears.

He notices all the eyes looking at him right now and it’s all too much.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles and gets up, quickly leaving the room.

 

***

 

Ian runs to his parents room and immediately breaks down. He falls to his knees and lets the pain take over. He cries for what seems like hours, letting everything inside of him out. He doesn’t even realize Mandy when she stands over him, trying to get his attention.

He finally looks up and sees the worried expression on her face.

“It’s Mickey!” she says grabbing his arm and yanking forcefully.

Ian gets to his feet and follows her back into his room. He looks at the brothers and notices their scared faces.

He then looks at Mickey and frowns. Mickey is agitated, moving back and forth, just like when he has his nightmares. The difference this time is his eyes. They have stayed open, even though he’s clearly dreaming.

“He’s having a nightmare,” Ian says plainly.  

“Well isn’t there something you can do?” Joey asks desperately.

Ian shakes his head. “Normally I try to wake him up but his therapist says I should let him wake up on his own.”

“Mickey has a therapist?” Iggy asks.

Ian nods, still not meeting any of the eyes in the room.

Suddenly, Mickey screams, “Ian!”

Everyone snaps their heads up and stares at Mickey and then at Ian.

“He’s never called my name out before,” Ian whispers, slowly making his way to the bed.

Mickey’s agitation grows. He flails his arms and grits his teeth. Ian moves to get on top of him, trying to hold him down. Iggy and Colin do the same, effectively keeping Mickey on the bed.

“No! Stop!” Mickey yells.

Iggy lets up on his hold but Ian forces his arms back down.

“He isn’t talking to us,” Ian explains.

They continue to hold Mickey down as best as they can. For being so small, Mickey is actually quite strong.

“Please stop! No!” he bellows again, pain written all over his face.

Mandy and Joey look on in horror. Mandy lets her tears run freely down her cheeks. She hates having to watch her brother suffer like this.

“Jesus fuck,” Colin mutters under his breath. He maintains his hold on Mickey’s legs as Ian and Iggy hold down Mickey’s top half.

Ian takes Mickey’s face in his hands and looks into his eyes.

“Mickey wake up! Please! Mickey!” Ian pleads but the trembling continues.

“C’mon Mickey, shit!” Iggy exclaims. He loosens his grip as Mickey’s body finally stops shaking.

“Ian,” Mickey whispers, letting his head fall to one side.

His body is back to being completely still, his eyes are once again fixated on the wall.

“Mickey?” Ian asks with tears in his eyes.

But Mickey doesn’t respond. He doesn’t move.

 

***

 

_“Get off me!” Mickey yells at the man on top of him._

_He’s being held down on a bed with his head turned to the side, held firmly in place. He’s screaming at the top of his lungs, hoping that the assault will stop, but as usual it doesn’t. Danny pushes into him over and over, thrusting viciously, causing Mickey to screw his eyes shut and grit in pain._

_He opens his eyes and is shocked by what he now sees. Terry is holding a gun to Ian, forcing him to watch what Danny is doing to his boyfriend._

_He sees Ian crying as Terry pushes the gun to Ian’s head._

_“Ian!” Mickey screams out._

_He attempts to break free but Danny is too strong. He violently shoves Mickey down, gripping his head harshly._

_“No! Stop!” he screams again._

_Terry looks at Mickey with sheer disgust. He tightens his grip on Ian, pushing him closer to Mickey. He places the gun back on Ian’s head and cocks it._

_“Please stop! No!” Mickey pleads but his father ignores him._

_He pulls the trigger, sending Ian’s body to the floor, blood spraying everywhere._

_Mickey looks down to the ground at Ian’s lifeless body._

_“Ian,” he whispers, closing his eyes, letting the darkness swallow him up._

***

 

Dinner is awkward to say the least. Lucy has been keeping herself busy in the kitchen, mainly as a distraction. The table looks beautiful as always with entirely too much food. She doesn’t know why but she made Mickey’s favorite, Shepard’s pie. It felt right somehow.

Everyone eats their food in relative silence. That is until Colin speaks.

“This is really delicious… um, what is it?” he asks shyly.

She smiles warmly at him before answering.

“It’s called Shepard’s pie, it’s… it’s Mickey’s favorite,” she says emotionally.

“Excuse me,” she states before getting up and heading into the kitchen. Everyone looks down at their plates, taking in the sudden tension of the room.

No one speaks again.

 

***

 

That night Ian can’t seem to find sleep. He tosses and stirs before finally turning over to look at Mickey. He’s in the same position that he was in after his nightmare. His eyes, however, are closed now. He looks so peaceful.

Ian places his hand on Mickey’s chest, stroking it gently. He moves closer, resting his head on Mickey’s shoulder.

“I miss you,” Ian whispers softly.

He moves his hand down to Mickey’s waist and wraps around it, hugging him tightly.

“I need you Mickey, please come back to me.”

Ian’s mind races. He had so many plans for him and Mickey but now he doesn’t even know if they’ll come out of this. There were so many things he still wanted to tell Mickey, so many things he still wanted to do. He shuts his eyes and finally lets his exhaustion take over.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been sleeping when he feels the body underneath him move. He opens his eyes slowly as he feels the person move again. He realizes it’s Mickey that’s moving.

He sits up on his elbow and gazes at Mickey as he blinks his eyes open. Deep blue eyes are now staring at bright green ones.

Mickey searches Ian’s face, trying to figure out if he’s real or not. He brings his fingers up to Ian’s cheek and watches as Ian leans into the touch.

“Ian?” Mickey asks.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter but I was in Chicago for work and didn't have time to write. On the bright side, I did visit the set of Shameless!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 12

 

“Ian?” Mickey asks.

Ian doesn’t respond right away, he simply smiles as his eyes begin to water. Mickey continues to search his face, still not believing that it was him.

“Are you real?” Mickey asks and Ian immediately seems confused by the question.

“Yes, yes I’m real,” Ian answers, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend.

“I can’t believe you’re awake,” Ian whispers into Mickeys neck.

He lets go and backs away slightly, looking Mickey in the eye. He still seems confused by Ian’s behavior.

“What happened?” Mickey asks quietly.

Ian leans his body on to his right elbow as Mickey shifts underneath him and turns to face him.

“You were asleep Mickey, well catatonic,” he starts to explain.

“Cata- what?” Mickey asks.

Ian grins.

“It means you were non-responsive, for like three days. You would just lay there and stare at the wall,” he finishes.

“How can that be? I was sleeping. I was dreaming, I remember,” Mickey argues, clearly agitated by what he’s hearing.

Ian doesn’t say anything. He lets Mickey continue to explain what happened to him.

“I was at the lake with you. You were in my arms, Ian. I remember. But then Danny was there and my dad. He had a gun pointed at your… head,” Mickey is trying to explain but his emotions are overpowering him.

“He shot you Ian. You… you died and…” Mickey couldn’t continue. It was almost like he was having a panic attack.

Ian brought his hand to Mickey’s face and started to caress it gently.

“It’s okay Mickey, I’m right here, I’m fine,” Ian whispers soothingly.

Mickey lunges forward and wraps Ian in a tight hug. Ian returns it with just as much strength.

While they are still wrapped up around each other, Mickey speaks.

“Ian? Is that me that smells so bad?”

They break the hug and stare at each other. Ian is trying really hard to not laugh but he can’t help it. It starts out with a giggle but quickly turns into guffaw.

Mickey just rolls his eyes. “Okay asshole, I get it. I stink.”

Ian continues to smile but decides to slowly move off the bed to give Mickey room to get up. Mickey tries but his body is clearly protesting the action. After three days of not moving, every action seems to hurt. Ian notices this and walks over to him.

He attaches his arms around Mickey’s chest and helps him stand. They slowly hobble over to the adjoining bathroom where Ian starts the shower. He turns back to Mickey and starts to undress him. Mickey doesn’t say anything.

He gently steps into the shower and waits for Ian. Once they’re both inside, Ian carefully places Mickey underneath the spray and begins to lather up the soap. His movements on Mickey’s body are soft but deliberate. He works his way down Mickey’s front half, scrubbing little circles into his legs. Mickey’s eyes are closed, his head still tilted toward the spray.

Ian can only imagine how good this must feel after three days of not moving. He moves up to Mickey’s head and lovingly massages his scalp, soliciting a low moan from the brunette. Mickey finally opens his eyes and gazes at Ian.

A small smile tugs at his lips as Ian leans forward and kisses him. It’s soft and chaste. Soon the water begins to turn cold, signaling the end of the shower. Ian hands Mickey a fluffy towel before grabbing one for himself.

They quietly walk back into the room. Ian walks to the dresser and searches for boxers before being stopped by his boyfriend. Mickey still hasn’t said anything but there’s a look in his eyes. Ian isn’t quite sure what to make of it.

After everything that’s happened, he has no idea what’s going on in Mickey’s mind. But that doesn’t stop him from taking Mickey’s outstretched hand and letting himself be led back to the bed.

Mickey slowly removes the towel from Ian’s waist and lets it drop on the floor. He places his hand on Ian’s cheek, stroking it softly. He moves the hand to the back of Ian’s neck and brings his face down toward his own. He kisses Ian tenderly before moving their bodies on to the bed. He brings Ian on top of him and wraps his arms around the red head.

Ian kisses him back but hesitates. As much as he wants to do this right now, he knows that Mickey has been through something traumatic. The last thing he wants is to make it worse. He breaks the kiss and looks into Mickey’s eyes. He can see how much emotion is trapped inside of them.

“Ian please,” Mickey whimpers.

“Mickey,” Ian starts but is cut off.

“Please Ian. I need to know that it can still feel good… with the right person,” Mickey begs, tears tugging at the corners of his eyes.

It’s too much for Ian. A single tear escapes his eye but Mickey is right there to wipe it away. Ian leans down again and kisses Mickey, however, this time, the kiss is much slower. He wants Mickey to know how much he loves him and that he will never have to worry about Ian hurting him.

Ian is Mickey’s safe place and he wants to keep it that way. They don’t say anything, instead letting their bodies speak for them. Ian is gentle and his touches are soft. He caresses Mickey’s body, holding him sweetly and protectively at the same time.

He sways in and out of Mickey, rhythmically, pushing him to the edge. Ian wants to make sure that he isn’t hurting Mickey. He fucks him as slowly as his body will let him. He feels guilty about how good Mickey feels right now so he closes his eyes and tries to bury those thoughts.

Mickey is mostly silent until Ian hears small sniffles coming from him. He opens his eyes, looks down and sees Mickey crying. He immediately stills his body, forcing Mickey to look at him.

“Don’t stop Ian, please,” he whispers as Ian holds him close, burying his head in the crook of Mickeys neck. He feels Mickey’s tears on his shoulder as his cries quickly turn into sobs.

“I’m sorry,” he hears Mickey mumble.

“Shhh, it’s okay,” Ian sighs.

He can hear Mickey continue to apologize. He leans back and props himself on his elbows. Mickey can’t even look at him.

“Hey, look at me Mickey,” Ian commands, gently moving Mickeys face toward his own.

“You have nothing to apologize for, you hear me?”

Mickey tries to look away but Ian won’t let him. His tears have stopped but the emotion is still raw on his face.

“I love you,” Ian murmurs.

Mickey doesn’t say anything but he does lean into Ian’s touch.

“Lets go to sleep okay? Your siblings will be so happy to see you,” Ian says while he moves off Mickey and onto his side.

“Mandy and Iggy? They’re here?” Mickey asks, brows furrowed and head tilted to the side.

“They’re all here Mickey, even Colin and Joey. They were worried about you,” Ian explains.

Mickey takes a moment to process that statement. It’s not that it’s hard to believe, it’s just that his siblings have never really been that close. The thought of them staying close by and being worried about Mickey was new to him. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

He could sense Ian moving closer to him, instinctively reaching around his waist. Mickey allowed the gesture and even snuggled up closer to Ian. He still felt really confused about everything that had happened but at least he had Ian. And for now that was enough.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI, there's a story that's been bugging me to get written so I will be taking a short break from this story and Fight of Your Life to write it. It will be called Starred Up and it's loosely based on the UK movie of the same name. It will not be multi-chapter but it will be quite long. I want to finish it in one go.
> 
> Don't worry, I will post it and I will finish all my stories!! This story and Fight of Your Life only have a few chapters remaining and then I'll start working on After the Storm - Part 3 of the Storm series. Thanks for reading!

Chapter 13

 

Mickey wakes up and finds himself in Ian’s arms, nestled in between the red heads shoulder and collarbone. He snuggles closer to Ian’s neck, kissing softly at the pale freckled skin. He feels Ian stir as he tightens his arms around Mickey. He smiles as he continues to kiss Ian’s neck.

Ian finally opens his eyes and places a hand on Mickey’s head, stroking his hair gently. They look at each other before Ian speaks.

“Mornin,” he mumbles, placing a kiss on Mickey’s forehead.

“Mhmm,” is all Mickey replies.

Mickey doesn’t want to get up. He’s happy right where he is, warm and comfortable in his boyfriends arms. Ian, however, has other plans.

“Wait, can’t we just stay in bed a little longer?” Mickey pleads softly.

“You have to face them sometime Mickey,” Ian says as he moves to get up.

Mickey huffs at the sudden lose in heat from Ian’s body, taking the entire comforter and wrapping himself up like a burrito. Ian simply smiles at him and heads into the bathroom. When he comes back, Mickey is still in his cocoon of warmth, staring at the wall. For a moment, Ian tenses, afraid that Mickey has become catatonic again but he relaxes when he sees Mickey look at him with a playful scowl.

“C’mon, outta bed, now!” Ian demands with a smirk.

He heads over to the bed and attempts to pry the covers off his boyfriend. He grabs Mickey’s leg and literally tries to drag him out of the bed. Mickey realizes that he only has one option. He lunges at Ian’s side and begins to tickle him like crazy, forcing the younger boy to collapse on to the bed and squeal with laughter.

They roll around for a few minutes, shaking and laughing as they try to out tickle the other. They finally stop when the door flies open, revealing a concerned looking Lucy.

“Ian what on earth-” she begins but stops as soon as she sees Mickey smiling back at her.

“Mickey,” she whispers, eyes wide, mouth hanging open.

“Hi Lucy,” he says back, goofy grin playing across his face.

Lucy eventually closes her mouth and gets a hold of herself. She smiles at Mickey.

“I’m so happy to see you awake,” she states.

“Yeah, apparently I was gone for a few days,” Mickey says, shrugging.

He looks at the emotion on Lucy’s face before adding, “but I’m back now, so no need to worry.”

She nods but continues to smile.

“Breakfast is on the table. I have to go into the office for a few hours, finish up somethings, but I’ll be back in plenty of time to cook Christmas Eve dinner.”

She gives Mickey a wink before heading back downstairs. Mickey looks up at Ian and sees him smiling.

“Shit, it’s Christmas Eve already?” Mickey asks already knowing the answer.

“Yup,” Ian says, pronouncing the P with a loud pop.

Ian continues to grin as he walks over to his suitcase and pulls out a large box wrapped in black paper. He turns around but places the box behind his back. He strolls back over to the bed and looks down at his boyfriend.

Mickey looks back at him apprehensively. Gifts aren’t Mickey’s thing. He doesn’t like getting them and he hates giving them. They always make him nervous. Either he has to pretend to like something he hates or he loves something he doesn’t think he deserves. Usually when Ian gives him a gift, it’s something Mickey doesn’t think he deserves.

“I know you hate it when I buy you stuff but it’s Christmas and when I saw it at the store I knew it was for you. I really hope you like it,” he says nervously, slowly bringing the gift in front of him and handing it to Mickey.

Mickey quirks an eyebrow up at his boyfriend before finally opening the box. He lets out a small gasp when he sees it. Inside the box sits a matte all-black Rolex watch. He looks at Ian disbelievingly, then looks back down at the box.

“Ian…I-” Mickey can’t quite find the words. No one has ever given him something so beautiful and also so expensive. He thinks about just how expensive and for a moment he thinks he may throw up.

“This must have cost you-”

“Don’t worry about that Mickey. Don’t… don’t you like it?” Ian asks, biting his bottom lip.

He looks terrified. What if he didn’t know Mickey as well as he thought? What if Mickey hates it but isn’t sure how to say it? Mickey picks up on his nervous demeanor and quickly gets up off the bed.

“I love it. It’s just… I’ve never gotten anything this nice before, that’s all,” he explains.

Ian finally relaxes as his smile returns.

“Here, let me,” Ian says, helping Mickey clasp the watch on to his wrist.

Mickey stares at the watch for a few moments before reaching forward and grabbing Ian, kissing him hard. Mickey smiles into the kiss, falling back down on the bed and pulling Ian with him.

“Wait, wait! What about my gift?” Ian asks coyly, a greedy smile on his face.

“Um…” is all Mickey says. Ian’s face falls as he stands up and backs away.

“It’s okay, you… you didn’t have to get me any-”

“Of course I got you something!” Mickey reassures him but then looks away.

“I… I mean it’s not a super expensive watch or anything…” Mickey mumbles as he reaches into his suitcase and pulls out a small flat jewelry box.

He hands the box to Ian who opens it slowly.

“Mickey you know I don’t care how much money you spe-” Ian stops talking and stares at his gift. He doesn’t say anything for a while, he just stares, mouth open, eyes focused. He carefully takes the necklace out and holds the pendant in his hand. It’s the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.

The chain is long and silver with wide links. The pendant is also silver, roughly the size and shape of a military dog tag but completely smooth and shiny. On the surface is an image of an anatomical heart, laser etched in red. Ian’s eyes begin to water when he turns the pendant over and reads the inscription, “I GIVE YOU MY HEART”

Mickey looks on anxiously, biting his thumbnail as he waits for Ian’s reaction. He spent weeks trying to figure out what to get the red head. Every gift seemed so impersonal and cheap. It took him almost two months to earn enough in tips to pay for the necklace but he didn’t care. He wanted Ian to know that his heart really did belong to him.

“Do you like it?” Mickey asks sheepishly. He stares down at the ground, afraid to meet Ian’s eyes.

Ian lets out a wet laugh as a tear makes its way down his face. He grabs Mickey and envelopes him in a fierce hug.

“I love it,” he whispers.

He steps back from the embrace leaning his head on Mickey’s forehead but keeping his hands firmly on Mickey’s waist.

“I fucking love you,” he admits with a small grin.

Mickey returns the smile.

“I fucking love you too,” he says before closing the distance between them and tasting his boyfriends lips. 

The kiss is passionate to say the least and lasts for several minutes.  They grab at each other desperately, clawing and squeezing. Finally, they both break away, panting into each other’s mouths.

“Merry Christmas Mickey,” Ian says earning a scowl from the older boy.

“Just had to ruin the moment didn’t you?” Mickey scolds but smiles a second later.

Ian laughs and Mickey swears there’s no sweeter sound on earth than Ian Gallagher’s laugh. He was so completely gone. They quickly get dressed and decide to get some breakfast.

“C’mon. Time to make your presence known,” Ian says, taking Mickey’s hand and leading him out of the room and down the stairs.

They can hear Iggy and Mandy in the kitchen doing god knows what.

“Yes! I think I got it!” Iggy yells triumphantly only to be met with a horrifically loud noise coming from the espresso machine.

“Or not,” he says in a deflated tone.

Mickey can’t help but snort at the sight of his brother’s frustration. As soon as he does both Iggy and Mandy’s eyes fall on him.

“Mickey?” they say in unison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of pictures of reference for this story, Ians house, the lake house, the gifts and even their clothes. If you would like to see them email me and I will send them to you. It's easier than trying to upload them  
> Georginakane@hotmail.com


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

 

“Mickey?” they say in unison.

Iggy stands there with a shocked expression on his face while Mandy rushes over to Mickey and envelopes him in a tight hug.

“Jesus Christ Mandy, I can’t breathe!” Mickey chokes as he struggles out of her hold.

Mandy simply punches her brother in the arm causing Mickey to growl.

“What the fuck Mandy?!” he snaps at her while rubbing his arm.

“You scared the shit out of us!” she bites back with tears in her eyes.

Mickey immediately looks down to the floor when she speaks. It might not be rational but he feels guilty for causing his family to worry about him.

“M’sorry,” he mumbles, still looking at the floor.

“I didn’t mean to,” he whispers almost too quietly for anyone to hear.

“Oh shut up,” she says back hugging him again only this time Iggy joins her. The hug is much softer and more gentle. Mickey tenses at first, uncomfortable with the display of affection but eventually he allows it.

They break away as soon as they hear the back door open. Colin and Joey walk into the kitchen and stop as soon as they see Mickey. The three men stare at each other until finally Colin speaks.

“Mickey, you’re awake,” Colin says softly.

He moves toward his brother, only to have Mickey step back away from him.

“Mickey please,” Colin pleads but Mickey raises his hand to him and shakes his head.

“I need to say something first,” Mickey states.

All eyes are on him as he steps away from his siblings and closer to Ian. Mickey looks at his boyfriend and then back at his family.

“I only want to say this once before anything else happens.”

He takes a deep breath and continues, “I can’t bring dad back and even if I could, I wouldn’t want to. And I can’t make you hate Danny but I can tell you that I never want anything to do with him…”

Mickey pauses and looks at Ian lovingly. Ian returns the smile.

“Mickey-” Colin tries but is silenced again.

“No Colin. This time you listen. I’m gay. I’m gay and I’m with Ian. He makes me happy and I love him so if any of you have a problem with that… there’s the fucking door,” he finishes as he points to the entry way.

The siblings look at each other and Mickey waits with bated breath to see if any of them will actually leave. Nobody moves a muscle.

“Mickey?”

Mickey rolls his eyes at his brother.

“What Colin?” he answers back.

Colin doesn’t say anything. He instead walks to Mickey and hugs him. This time Mickey tenses up and stays tense.

“I’m so glad you’re awake,” Colin whispers.

Mickey catches the emotion in Colin’s voice and meets his eyes with confusion. He and Colin have never been close. A lot of it had to do with their age difference. Colin was 24 years old. He hadn’t lived at home with his siblings for almost 6 years. He moved out right after their mother died so he missed a lot of the abuse. Sure, he knew of Terry’s temper and had even been slapped around before, but he had no idea how bad things got. He was shocked to find out that Terry had almost killed Mickey and sent him to the hospital with a collapsed lung.

When Iggy reached out after the funeral, Colin refused to believe what his brother was telling him. There was no way things had gotten that bad. But then he talked to Mandy who confirmed everything that Iggy said. After that, the only thing haunting Colin Milkovich was guilt. As the oldest, he felt like he had let his brothers and sister down and he’s been trying to make up for it ever since.  

“We thought we lost you,” Colin continues, staring into Mickey’s eyes.

Mickey looks over to Joey who appears equally emotional. He turns back to Colin and can’t help the rush of endearment that passes through him. He pulls his brother closer and this time, Mickey initiates the hug, holding on tightly.

“I’m sorry,” Mickey hears Colin mutter over and over. Mickey stays silent but grips his brother harder, burying his head in Colin’s shoulder.

After a while, Mickey releases Colin from his hold and gives a small laugh as he looks around the room. Mandy is yet again on the verge of tears and even Ian looks like he’s about to give way to the flood gates. Mickey goes to him before he can release the sentiment from his body.

“Hey, not you too,” Mickey says to Ian, smiling up at him. Ian issues a huff and attempts to look away but Mickey grips his cheek with his left hand, forcing his gaze back on the brunette. Iggy catches sight of Mickey’s new gift and interjects, ending the touching moment as only Iggy can do.

“What the fuck is that on your wrist?!” he yells as he makes his way to his brother.

Mickey barely has time to register the question before Iggy snatches his hand and stares at the watch.

“Holy fuck, that’s a Rolex!” Iggy exclaims, still clutching Mickey’s arm and pulling him toward his other siblings.

Mickey finally takes his arm back and glares at Iggy.

“Um… it was a gift,” Mickey mumbles, his eyes leading his siblings back to Ian.

Ian simply shrugs and goes to the fridge, pulling out a carton of eggs and bacon.

“Breakfast?” he asks the room.

The siblings all turn toward Mickey.

“What?” he snaps at them.

“Your boyfriend cooks?” Joey asks.

“Fuck yes he does! You know how to cook right?” Mickey retorts, looking at Ian for confirmation. Ian just rolls his eyes and starts cooking. This was going to be the longest Christmas ever.

 

***

 

After breakfast, the Milkovich clan + 1 Gallagher find themselves in the basement watching National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. All six of them are on the U shaped leather couch, laughing at all the same moments in the movie.

Mickey leans into Ian, resting his head on his boyfriends shoulder. He looks around the room and can’t help but smile as Ian absentmindedly rubs his hand on Mickey’s thigh. He hears Eric coming down the stairs and pauses the movie.

“Mickey, nice to see you out of bed,” Eric states, smiling at the dark haired boy. Mickey nods in return.

“So, is everyone staying for dinner?” he continues as he looks around the room.

The siblings stare at each other before Colin speaks.

“If Mickey wants us to, we’ll stay.”

Mickey answers, “Yeah, I want you to stay. If that’s okay with you Eric?”

“Of course Mickey. I’ll let Lucy know,” Eric replies and goes back up the stairs.

“You sure Mickey, cuz we don’t want to impose,” Joey says uncomfortably.

Mickey simply shakes his head.

“You’re my family too right? So stay. I mean, you should probably get to know Ian’s family since I’m always with them anyway,” Mickey explains and then turns toward Ian.

“Speaking of, is Lucy’s family coming over tonight? I haven’t seen Josh or Emily since last year,” Mickey asks Ian.

“No, but we’ll see them tomorrow at the lake house. Jacob’s stopping by for dinner though,” Ian tells Mickey but before he can say anything about it, Mandy interjects.

“Well if that’s the case then I need to go shower and get ready,” she gushes and makes her way up the stairs.

Mickey’s brothers look at him expecting an explanation but he doesn’t give them one, simply shrugging instead.

This was going to be one interesting dinner.

 

***

  
“Hey, you okay?” Ian asks Mickey while he’s rummaging through his clothes.

“Yeah, why?” Mickey replies, equally occupied with his search for a dress shirt.

“Just curious, it’s been a crazy week and with everything that’s happened-”

“Ian I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me. As long as Danny doesn’t decide to crash Christmas Eve dinner…” Mickey huffs a little laugh but notices Ian’s serious expression.

“What?” Mickey asks, suddenly concerned by the look on Ian’s face.

“Mickey… Danny’s dead,” Ian explains softly. He immediately sees Mickey’s eyes go wide.

“Wh- what?” Mickey stutters.

Ian walks to him and wraps his arms around Mickey’s waist.

“After what he did…Your brothers weren’t gonna let him get away this time. They… they killed him.”

Mickey just stares open mouthed at his boyfriend. He’s having a hard time comprehending everything that Ian just said to him. He knows things are different with his brothers now. He knows they love him but did they actually kill someone for him? Someone who hurt him?

It might seem weird to some but in the Milkovich household, punishing someone who hurt a loved one was the ultimate sign of loyalty. It was one of the few ways the family showed their love for each other. After everything that had happened to Mickey, his brothers showed him love like he’s never had from them.

“Mickey?” Ian asks, breaking Mickey’s spell.

“Yeah, I’m… fine. I’m fine,” he says unconvincingly.  

Ian knows not to push him so he decides to give Mickey time to process everything. Apparently he was having a hard time remembering everything from the night of his attack. Ian just hoped it wasn’t buried down too deep. The last thing he wants is something to eat away at Mickey once more.

He can’t lose him to the darkness, not again…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a couple chapters left!!!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angst is definitely not over...... sorry.

Chapter 15

 

“Wow Lucy, this looks amazing!” Mickey exclaims as he walks into the dining room.

Lucy really did out do herself. The table was filled with candles, pinecones and decorative pillars along with plates, chargers, and wine goblets. Everything sparkled and shimmered gold. Add to that the glow from the fireplace and the room was positively breathtaking.

“Oh thank you Mickey,” she says, giving Mickey a small appreciative hug.

Mickey takes his place by Ian near the head of the table. Eric takes the head chair with Lucy to his left. Mickey’s siblings file into the other seats with Colin on the other end. Both heads of household in their respective seats.

Jacob joins in next to Mickey and across from Mandy. No coincidence there. Mickey looks around the room and he can’t help but smile. Everyone he loves and cares about is with him right now. He loves seeing the happy look on his sibling’s faces as they await their amazing meal.

Just then Lucy brings in the massive turkey, which is clearly cooked to perfection, and sets it down on the table. Surrounding the turkey are mashed potatoes, green beans, stuffing, cranberry relish, wild rice and sweet potato casserole. There’s literally enough food to feed a small village but Mickey knows his brother’s appetites and therefore doesn’t anticipate many leftovers.

Everyone begins to eat and it’s Eric who starts the conversation.

“So Colin, what is it that you do?” he asks while he piles his plate with sweet potatoes (his and Mickey’s favorite).

Colin looks at Mickey and then back at Eric, hesitating with his answer. “Um…..”

How do you tell people you deal drugs for a living? It’s not exactly the kind of thing you mention in intelligent conversation.

“I run a business,” he finally says, hoping that will satisfy the patriarch.

Naturally it doesn’t.

“Oh, what kind of business?” Eric asks.

“Dad! Have some more turkey,” Ian practically yells at his father and gives him a ‘drop it’ look.

Eric takes the hint and grabs the turkey. Mickey leans into Ian and whispers, “Thanks.”

“So Jacob, when are you going to introduce me to some Northside girls?” Iggy asks with a smirk.

Jacob laughs before he answers.

“Maybe when I get back from Aspen,” he says.

“Aspen huh?” Iggy asks.

“Yeah, you been there? We have a house there and always spend New Year’s skiing,” Jacob says before he can take it back. He immediately feels guilty.

“Haven’t been there man, but maybe someday,” Iggy says quietly.

After that, the conversations take a less serious tone. The brothers are discussing the sad state of the Chicago Bears while Ian is summarizing his first year at school with his parents. Iggy, Joey and Colin are all on their second helpings of food and Jacob and Mandy aren’t even being discreet with their flirting.

After dinner Ian’s parents retreat to the living room while the younger guests head to the basement. Jacob is about to take a seat next to Mandy when Colin stops him. Suddenly he finds himself surrounded by four big and scary looking guys.

Ian looks on from the couch, clearly amused by the display of machismo.

Jacob looks at each of them before returning his gaze to Colin.

“Hurt her and we hurt you… got it?” Colin states. Jacob swallows hard but nods his head and cautiously takes a seat. Mandy simply rolls her eyes but smiles at her silly brothers.

Mickey takes his place by Ian’s side as Joey and Iggy argue over what Christmas movie to watch. They settle on A Christmas Story and finally everyone is sitting down.

A few hours later, Jacob and Mandy disappear to the guest house, Iggy, Joey and Colin have passed out on the couch and Mickey gives a long yawn.

“You ready for bed?” Ian asks him.

Mickey nods slowly but moves closer to Ian, cupping his face.

“I love you,” he whispers and leans in to kiss his boyfriend. Ian grins into the kiss and quickly deepens it.

“Get a room!” they hear Iggy say from under a couch cushion.

Both boys laugh and stand up, making their way upstairs.

When they reach their room, Mickey grabs Ian and pushes him on the bed, instantly climbing over him. He kisses along his jaw and down his neck.

“Mickey,” Ian says but Mickey shuts him up with his lips.

So Ian lays there and lets Mickey take over. He runs his hands down Ian’s stomach and under his sweater. He reaches into his jeans and palms at Ian’s dick. Ian moans at the touch and closes his eyes. Mickey unbuttons Ian’s jeans and pushes them down.

Ian sits up long enough to take his sweater off and lays back down. Mickey removes his own shirt and jeans before resuming his position over Ian.

Ian wants to say something, he wants to tell Mickey that this isn’t necessary but he stays silent. He lets Mickey suck his dick, moaning whenever the sensation is too much.

“Fuck,” he pants as Mickey deep throats him.

When he feels Mickey’s tongue on his ass, he understands what Mickey wants. Instinctively, he turns onto his stomach to give Mickey more room. He fists the sheets as Mickey works him open, praying that his moans aren’t too loud.

He closes his eyes when he feels Mickey’s dick pushing inside of him. It’s been a while since Ian has bottomed so he’s pretty tight but thankfully Mickey is going slowly.

When he bottoms out, they both groan. Mickey leans over to kiss at Ian’s neck before pushing back into him, this time with more force. Mickey starts out slow but quickly builds a steady rhythm. It starts out nice for Ian until he feels something switch inside Mickey.

He grabs at Ian’s hair and tugs on it harshly, pushing his head down into the pillow. He then fucks Ian deeper and rougher than he’s comfortable with. His other hand goes to Ian’s hip, pinning him to the bed. Ian isn’t sure what to do.

He screws his eyes shut and grits at the pain that’s building. Mickey’s never been so brutal with him. He grips the bed sheets fiercely, his knuckles turning white from the effort.

“Mickey,” he says, hoping to distract him or get him to slow down.

“Mickey!” Ian grits out with more concern.

Finally Mickey listens and slows down. He eases up on his hold of Ian’s head and hips. He keeps fucking him but this time it’s gentler. Ian breathes a sigh of relief as Mickey kisses at his neck. His Mickey is back.

Ian reaches back and brings Mickey in for a kiss. Ian turns over and wraps Mickey in his arms, continuing the kiss. Mickey brings Ian’s legs up and places them around his waist. This time, Mickey’s pace is slower and smoother. Ian forces Mickey to look at him. He knows if he doesn’t, he could lose Mickey again.

It seems to work at they both grow closer to their climax. Mickey leans his head to Ian’s.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“I didn’t mean-”

Ian cuts him off with another deep kiss. As much as Mickey’s behavior scares Ian, he understands it. But that’s a discussion for another day. Ian comes hard in his hand with Mickey following a few moments later.  They lay together for a while, not speaking, just looking at each other.

As fucked up as it sounds, Ian is willing to do whatever it takes to get Mickey better, even if that means accepting what just happened. He refuses to lose Mickey. He just hopes this is the worst of it.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

 

Ian wakes up the following morning to an empty bed. He knows it’s early, too early for Mickey to be up. So where is he? Ian drags himself out of bed and stumbles into the bathroom. Once he’s dressed, he makes his way down the stairs and into the kitchen. Still no Mickey.

He’s about to send out a search party when he sees a flash of black hair outside by the pool. He walks out and finds Mickey leaning against the fence, still in his pajamas, cigarette in hand. The sun is barely over the horizon as it gently lights up the back yard.

“Hey,” Ian greets, his voice still thick with sleep.

Mickey doesn’t look at him but gives him a small nod and returns to his smoke. Ian almost feels like he’s intruding and is about to leave when Mickey sighs deeply and speaks.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he mumbles.

“You wanna talk about it?” Ian asks hopefully.

Mickey shakes his head and stubs out his cigarette. He walks past Ian and heads inside for the kitchen. Ian rolls his eyes but follows in after him. Mickey heads for the espresso machine and starts to make himself a coffee.

“It’s a bit early isn’t it?” Ian asks.

Mickey doesn’t say anything, just continues to work on his beverage.

“Mickey?” Ian asks, trying to get his attention.

He tries to walk up and wrap his arms around the brunette, only to be shoved off.

“What’s your deal?” Ian asks, annoyed by the sudden attitude.

“My deal?” Mickey bites.

“Yeah, I mean if anyone should be pissed off it should be me!” he says lowly.

Mickey’s face instantly turns to anger.

“Excuse me? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Mickey grits.

“It’s not like you talk to me or tell me what’s going on. You act like nothing’s wrong when it clearly is and I can’t say anything because if I do you might have a nightmare or space out and stare at the wall for days at a time!”

Ian immediately regrets his outburst, especially when he sees the hurt on Mickey’s face.

“Shit Mickey… I’m sorry,” Ian tries to apologize but Mickey starts to move away.

“Mickey!” Ian tries again but this time Mickey turns to face him and pushes him back.

“Fuck you Ian! You think this shit is easy for me? You think I asked for this?!” Mickey screams.

He stalks closer to Ian, forcing the red head to move backwards.

“You guys think just because I blacked out that I can’t remember what he did to me!?” Mickey growls, edging closer to Ian with every step.

“Mickey-”

“No! Fuck you!” Mickey yells as he grabs Ian’s body and slams him into the wall.

“Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!” he screams repeatedly as he continues to slam Ian’s body into the wall.

Finally Mickey breaks down and lets his tears escape. He keeps his grip on Ian as he falls to his knees and begins to sob. Ian slides down the wall and grabs on to Mickey, hugging him tightly.

“I’m… I’m sorry,” Mickey whimpers between sobs.

Ian just strokes his hair and whispers, “It’s okay, it’s okay. Just let it out.”

After a minute, Ian looks up to find quite a few eyes staring at them. All of Mickey’s siblings are fixated on their brother’s breakdown, watching closely with concern. Mickey is still crying and unaware of the audience. Ian shakes his head dismissively, telling the intruders to leave them alone. They do as they’re told and soon, Ian and Mickey are alone again.

Mickey tires himself out and finally eases his grip on Ian. His eyes are bloodshot and his face is exhausted. He slowly gets up and leans his hands against the kitchen counter. Ian follows and places his hand on Mickey’s back.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers as he hangs his head.

“Don’t,” Ian tells him, leaning his forehead on to Mickey’s shoulder.

“I mean for last night. I knew I was hurting you but I… I just…” Mickey can’t finish the sentence as shame washes over him.

“I get it. I didn’t like it, but I get it. I still love you Mickey, you have to know that okay?” Ian tries to reassure his boyfriend.

Mickey nods and lets Ian embrace him once more.

“I’m here Mickey. I’m here. Please don’t push me away,” Ian whispers.

When Mickey releases Ian, he looks up at him and gives him a small smile.

“I’m gonna go take a shower,” he says quietly.

Ian nods and smiles back at him. As soon as Mickey leaves, Ian begins to cry. He’s been holding it in for so long that he just can’t anymore. Everything that’s happening is so fucked up and he has no idea what to do to make it better. He wants to help Mickey but he knows that it needs to be on Mickey’s terms. This is something that he can’t push the older boy into doing.

After a few solid minutes, Ian wipes at his face and resolves to make breakfast. It’s early but clearly no one is going back to bed. He reaches into the fridge and takes out the carton of eggs. As soon as it’s in his hands, he feels it. His breath catches as the tremor intensifies. His heart feels like it’s on fire.

He knows something’s wrong but he can’t think straight. He just keeps feeling this shocking sensation every few seconds that forces his breath to stutter. The spasm begins to grow more painful like he’s being electrocuted repeatedly. Ian drops the carton on the floor, eggs smashing at his feet.

He props himself against the counter and stumbles toward the stairs. As soon as he tries to walk on his own, he falls to his knees and then rolls on his back. He stares up at the ceiling while the attack on his heart escalates. His breath comes in short spurts. He feels like he isn’t getting enough oxygen but the pain worsens if he tries to breathe deeply.

“Mickey,” he sputters out softly.

 

***

 

Mickey exits the shower, feeling a lot better. As he gets dressed, he realizes that he doesn’t have to go through his pain alone. His entire life, he’s felt like no one was there for him and everything that happened to him had been his fault. Now he knows that’s not true. He has Ian and so far Ian hadn’t turned his back on Mickey. He had been there through every hit, every bruise, every scream and every mistake. He smiles when he looks down at his watch on the dresser. He puts it on his wrist and stares at it. How did he get so lucky?

Mickey can’t help but smile as he makes his way down the stairs. He realizes that he has a long way to go but it makes him feel better knowing he doesn’t have to do it by himself.

“Hey Ian, how ‘bout that coffe-” Mickey stops as soon as he sees Ian on the ground struggling to breathe.

“Ian?” Mickey shouts as he rushes over to his boyfriend.

“Ian! What… what’s wrong?” he says frantically, cradling the red heads body in his hands.

Ian continues to gasp as he looks into Mickey’s eyes. Both boys shoot frightened expressions at each other, neither sure of what’s going on.

“Eric!” Mickey yells at the top of his lungs.

Naturally that attracts the others to come see what’s happening and soon everyone is huddled around Ian. Everything around them is chaos.

“Call 911!” someone shouts.

‘They’re on their way,” someone else says.

“What’s wrong with him?” another person asks.

Mickey doesn’t notice any of it. All he can think about is Ian. Mandy and Iggy are crouched down beside Mickey while Colin and Joey look on from across the room.

“C’mon Ian, look at me!” Mickey demands.

He takes Ian’s face in his hand and forces the young boy to look at him. Ian latches his hand to Mickey’s arm and grips it tight.

“You’re gonna be okay, you hear me? You’re gonna be fine,” Mickey assures his boyfriend.

 Eric leans in to listen to Ian’s heart.

“His heart is beating erratically. Something must be wrong with the pace maker,” he explains.

Mickey continues to cradle Ian’s body as they wait for the ambulance. Once the paramedics arrive, he’s reluctant to let go of Ian but he does in order to let them work. Eric steps in and begins advising them of Ian’s medical history while Mickey just stares at him, unwilling to move his attention anywhere else.

He hears someone talking to him but it doesn’t register. Nothing registers, he just looks at Ian.

As they put Ian on the stretcher, Mickey stands and goes to his side. It’s then that Eric realizes his place and steps back.

“Who’s going with him?” a paramedic asks the parents. Mickey looks back at Lucy and Eric.

“Mickey, you go,” Eric replies.  

“We’ll be right behind you sweetie,” Lucy adds.

And just like that Mickey enters the ambulance with Ian as the rest of the family got in their respective cars to follow.

 

***

 

At the hospital, Mickey was asked to go to the waiting room where he began to pace incessantly. His nails were thoroughly chewed through as he sat in the chair and bounced his leg up and down. About ten minutes later, he saw Eric, Lucy and the entire Milkovich hoard walk through the doors.

“Have they come out yet?” Eric asks him.

Mickey shakes his head but keeps chewing on his nail, his eyes fixated on the floor. Lucy takes a seat to his right while Eric goes up to the receptionist to ask about his son. Mandy sits on his other side and the other brothers take seats nearby.

Eric returns and crouches in front of Mickey and his wife.

“I’m going to check on him. I’ll find out how he is, okay?” he tells them.

Lucy nods but Mickey doesn’t move, he just keeps staring at the floor.

Iggy walks up to Mickey and taps him on the shoulder.

“C’mon, let’s go have a smoke. You’ll feel better,” he suggests.

He looks up and sees Iggy and his other brothers waiting for him. He gives Lucy one last glance before getting up and following his brothers outside. Mandy stays with Lucy.

“What’s wrong with him?” Colin asks but quickly regrets his word choice.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“It’s okay Colin. He has a heart condition.  He had a pacemaker put in last year after he had a heart attack and we thought it would prevent more attacks but that was wishful thinking,” Mickey says bitterly.

“Is that why he wants to be a doctor?” Iggy asks.

Mickey nods his head and takes a long drag from his cigarette.

“Wants to be some sort of fucking hero,” Mickey grits angrily.

“He’s going to be okay, you know?” Iggy tells him but it just pisses him off.

“Really? So now you’re a fucking doctor?” he bites back.

“Mickey-”

“No! You don’t get it! I’ve already been through this. The attacks, the surgeries and don’t even get me started on the time I had to give him CPR when he was practically dead! And he always makes it through, but it can’t be like that forever Iggy. One day his body will give up and he’ll be gone!” Mickey yells with tears in his eyes.

“And I can’t… I won’t… fuck…” Mickey whispers, closing his eyes.

 Just then, Mandy comes outside.

“Eric’s back,” she says.

The boys head back inside and meet Lucy and Eric in the waiting room.

“It appears that the pacemaker short circuited. Instead of sending a signal during an attack, it kept shocking him over and over and actually caused an attack,” he explains.

“Is he okay?” Mickey asks.

“He should be fine but he’ll need a new pacemaker which means surgery,” Eric says.

Oh god, another surgery. Why did it always feel like he and Ian were getting knocked down the second they seemed happy? Was it always going to be like this? Was it supposed to be this difficult? Mickey couldn’t help but think…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a few chapters left!!!!


	17. Chapter 17

 

Chapter 17

 

After the surgery, Mickey was told he could see Ian. Thankfully everything had gone well and this new pacemaker was better than the old one. He walks in to see the red head smiling at him.

“Hey,” he whispers.

“Hey,” Mickey replies.

He takes the seat next to the bed and is thankful that they’re alone. He asked Lucy and Eric to give him some time with Ian. He takes Ian’s hand in his own and gives it a squeeze. Ian smiles. This was gonna be harder than he thought.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Mickey starts to say, his eyes already glassy.

“Well you know me,” Ian jokes but Mickey frowns.

“Hey c’mon, I’m fine Mickey,” Ian says, squeezing his hand.

“Yeah this time. What about next time?” Mickey says angrily.

Ian looks away at the thought of a next time.

“Ian, I need to say something,” Mickey says with a serious tone.

Ian looks back at him. He can’t quite make out Mickey’s expression but he waits for the brunette to speak.

“Ian I can’t go back to New York with you,” Mickey says and immediately looks down.

“What?” Ian asks disbelievingly.

“What the fuck are you talking about Mickey?” he questions.

Mickey still can’t look at him.

“I love you more than I ever thought was possible but I’m not good for you. Not right now anyway,” Mickey explains.

Ian’s eyes begin to water.

“You’re breaking up with me?” he demands.

“Ian… I just… I just can’t be around you right now okay?”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Ian growls.

“I did this to you! You’re in here because of me!” Mickey says as he stands up and starts to pace the room.

“You don’t know tha-”

“Ian, it doesn’t matter how much I love you because I keep hurting you. And I don’t mean to but fuck!” Mickey yells, frustrated that he can’t get the right words out.

“Mickey-”

“Ian I need to stay here and deal with my shit. I have so much going on in my head- I’m fucked up and when I’m fucked up I hurt you and I don’t want that anymore,” he says more calmly.

“Mickey, you’re not fucked up-”

“I’m broken Ian and you can’t fix me. I need to fix this myself,” he chokes out, tears now running freely down his face.

“Mickey-”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers as he walks to the door.

“Mickey!” Ian screams out.

“I’ll always love you, don’t forget that okay?” he says, looking back at Ian.

He can see the hurt on Ian’s face and it breaks his heart but he knows this is the right thing to do. Not that this isn’t killing him on the inside but he knows he has to be strong. He closes the door and stops. He literally has to keep his knees from giving out.

“Mickey!” he hears Ian scream.

“You ready bro?” Iggy asks putting his arm around the younger man.

Mickey nods and when he looks up he catches Lucy’s eyes.

“Mickey!” Ian screams again.

Lucy and Eric both stare at Mickey with concern and confusion.

“Bye Lucy,” he says, kissing her softly on the cheek.

Mickey and Iggy walk out of the hospital but before they make it to the car, Mickey breaks down.

Iggy embraces him as Mickey sobs.

“Tell me I did the right thing Iggy, please,” Mickey begs through his cries.

“You did the right thing bro. You need to get better before you can take care of him,” Iggy explains.

“He’ll never forgive me,” Mickey whispers.

“Hey, I don’t know a lot but I know what you two have, it doesn’t go away. You two will never stop loving each other,” Iggy says, rubbing at Mickey’s back.

“God I hope you’re right,” Mickey says.

“C’mon, Mandy’s waiting.”

 

***

 

Ian’s flight back to New York was scheduled for that morning but Mickey tried his best not to think about it. He grabbed some stuff from the Gallagher house while Ian was still in the hospital and figured the rest he could buy later. He talked with Eric and Lucy and explained what happened with Danny and how messed up he still was.

He told them that he wanted the best for Ian and that right now that didn’t include him. Lucy was a mess but they both said they understood. After everything that Mickey had been through, breaking up with Ian was by far the worst. It hurt more than every hit his father gave him and even more than anything Danny ever did to him. But for all his faults, Mickey knew it was the right thing to do.

He looked around the apartment that he, Iggy and Mandy had gotten and felt a wave of guilt but he tried to push it down. Colin and Joey decided to rent the apartment across from them and just like that, the Milkoviches were back together. That part felt nice.

Mickey loved his siblings and knowing that they would be around made things easier. He had called his therapist from New York and she gave him a referral to a PTSD specialist near his place. The Gallaghers had offered to pay for his treatment but Mickey refused. If he wasn’t with Ian, it didn’t feel right. Of course that meant he had to get a job. Thankfully since he didn’t have to really spend much money in New York, he was able to save a good chunk of his paychecks.

“What time’s your appointment?” Mandy asks him as she fixes herself a bowl of cereal.

“Bout an hour. I’m gonna head out,” he says looking down at his watch.

It took him weeks before he could look at it and not burst into tears. Now when he looks at it, he has hope. Hope that he’ll work through everything that’s messed up in his life. Hope that his family will stay close and continue loving him.

And of course hope that he’ll see Ian again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all for this installment! Please don't hate me but I promise the next part of the series will be up soon! Thank you for reading!!


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